Quinn O'Connell was the pretty girl in pink, the homecoming queen and all-around straight-A student. Most people saw her as uptight, narcissistic but most importantly... They saw her as a control freak with her perfect blonde hair and patronising sm...
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Quinn watched the rain slowly slide down the glass window of Carlisles bedroom as she paused for a moment. It had been a long day for her so far because it was the loneliest she had had since returning to Forks. She'd been busting herself, cleaning his already pristine room. She changed the bedding and dusted all the surfaces and now she sat with a sigh in the armchair- looking out the window. Quinn didn't often allow herself to feel self pity because she knew that some people had it so much worse, she knew that she was safe now and she had the fairytale dream she had always thought of but when you were alone with your thoughts- they ran wild.
Everyone was currently at school, Carlisle was working, Emmett had taken Rosalie to the aquarium and jack and Esme had gone out for the day to lord-only-knows-where. Which meant that Quinn was all alone in the big house on her own and she could finally think in private.
A long time ago, when she lived in the Hargreaves hell house, being alone was all she wanted. At some point- that had changed and she was sure that it was when she found people worth spending time with. Quinn pulled her blanket closer around her where she sat, unnecessarily when she thought of Jensen Hargreaves. He'd crushed the spirit of a teenage girl and as much as Quinn wanted to forget all about him and the things he'd done- she found it strangely impossible.
She tried to make her mind wander somewhere else- to think about the drama in Seattle. People were going missing there and they all believed it to be the work of a 'newborn army' but even as she thought of that particular horror, her mind couldn't seem to help but think back to Jensen and how monstrous he was. Quinn struggled to see any other people as monsters compared to him and the things he had done.
When Quinn was with Carlisle- she felt happier than she'd ever felt before in her life. And then, when he was away and she was with the other Cullens, she felt normal. The second she was completely alone, she felt like a child who had just watched there very first horror movie, she had the overwhelming desire to run around like a crazy person, checking all the cupboards just to make sure she was actually alone. It was the worst feeling, the restlessness. Her hands itched with the need to do something, to distract her.
The powerful vampire mind she now had that was capable of holding so many thoughts and feelings at once- was the opposite of useful. She wanted to think of nothing but her mind couldn't seem to stay still. It didn't take long before Quinn was up on her feet again and off in search of something else to do. Shortly, she found herself with the iron and ironing board. The blonde girl assumed she just must have been going mad as she ironed each of Carlisle unwrinkled shirts, putting them neatly in coat hangers and colour coordinating them in the wardrobe.
It was on that day that Quinn O'Connell finally looked through all the clothes Rosalie and Alice had brought her. In the process of organising her half of the wardrobe, Quinn found all sorts of beautiful outfits that she didn't even know she had. But her attention was soon caught when she pulled open an old hatbox that had travelled with her to the peach room from Hargreaves hell hole.
It was that hatbox, which was white with black polka dots, that she insisted on jasper and Emmett retrieving for her all those months ago. The box had held her essential items- her passport, birth certificate and all the money she had saved up. It was that box which held anything Quinn ever held dear. It was her safe box because she knew it seemed so innocent that she could easily hide things inside. The box had held all the diaries of the days in the hellhole.
Slowly pulling out a green leather diary, she stared at it. It was the most recent one, the one she didn't even think about since leaving the hell house. It only had the first half filled out- but the words were the most gruesome.
The words recorded the last few months spent in that place, where her hopes were at their lowest and her torture was at its harshest. Slowly, she opened the book and just from the sight of the words alone, it was clear to see that seventeen year old Quinn had been in pain. Quinn sat on her knees in the freshly tidied walk in wardrobe as she read the words that she'd wrote in a messy, shaking hand.
The diary no longer addressed anybody. It had nothing more than the date and then the main body of text. Because who did she have left to write to? Originally the diaries were intended for her mother but Elizabeth O'Connell was long gone and seventeen year old Quinn had nobody with whom she could confide in. She wrote to nobody, with her futile dreams, she recounted her pain, just in case whatever Gods existed, hadn't seen the pain the first time around.
Gathering the Green, red and blue leather bound books in her hands, along with the white leather book with the lilac pages- the only one Carlisle had gotten around to reading so far- Quinn carried them through into Carlisles bedroom, putting the hatbox safely back where it belonged. At his desk which she had carefully organised, the blonde girl took a seat and ordered the four books carefully in front of her.
After a long second thought, Quinn took the green book and opened it to where she had last written. The book was in need of completion. Using one of Carlisles expensive heavy pens she wrote carefully, recounting the final days with Jensen- his strange dinner party. Slowly, the last few pages were filled with reports of her rescue, the day of the car accident at school the hot tub incident.
She wrote in words for the first time all that she could remember of being a human, every memory she had of the peach room and the Cullens. Half the remaining pages were filled with in depth description of Carlisle but she appreciated it. Making her writing smaller, Quinn managed to squeeze in the things that had happened with James in Arizona and she ended the green book with the agonising pain.
It seemed fitting- to end the story of her human life. Many years ago, Charlie had coaxed her into writing that first white and lilac book, for her mother. It was supposed to make Quinn feel better and for a brief moment- it did. Writing her thoughts was something akin to being able to confide in someone when she had no one and perhaps that was why she felt so much calmer now, having completed the green book. She'd filled the silence of the day with the completion of her human diaries and she placed them side by side on one of Carlisles shelves, alongside all his other books.
As she stepped back, eyeing the white, red, blue and green books standing beside one another- she felt proud. Because she'd survived and the books were a reminder of that. Despite the gruesome detail some of them informed of- she was happy having them stood there on show....
