Magic Mirror #2

My Seven Guardians 🇫🇮

Hi! I'm Sofia and I am from Finland 🇫🇮 and THIS IS MY STORY.

I'm afraid to tell my story but I want people to hear it. My life was never easy. The truth is, since I went to school all of my classmates talked behind my back. I was always really shy and the teacher hated me because of it. I cried a lot in school. When I was 11, our family lost money and we had to move out of the house where I spent my childhood.

It's the only place I felt at home. After that, my parents argued a lot and they divorced. I feel guilty because I wasn't upset. Around the age of 12 I lost my feelings. While my parents were arguing about me and my brother, I just sat and watched. I was a puppet, no one asked what I wanted or if I was okay. I wasn't worried about me, I just wished my mom wouldn't get hurt. Things calmed down at home around the age of 13. But then I became my own problem. I had fake friends at school. I was always shy but it kept getting worse.

I couldn't even open my mouth without feeling all eyes turning to me and whispering about me. I have social anxiety/social phobia. My mental health kept getting worse. I was about 13-14 when I got depression. I cried almost every night and I lost all hope. Things like bright colors and "everything will be fine" phrases made me angry. I gave signs to people around me, friends, teachers, parents, but they didn't see them. I was alone with my problems.

My depression was getting worse and I wished every night before falling asleep that I wouldn't wake up the next day. I got rid of my bullies when I was 15 when I graduated. I went to a new school and I was supposed to be brave on the first day but I couldn't. I was too afraid to speak in class. Every time there was a presentation in school I skipped. I skipped school a lot. My mom let me, she noticed that I was depressed. It was winter and everyday I woke up. I laid on my bed in a dark room, my arm on my face.

I waited for it to be 4 o'clock, that's when my mom was back home from work. I called her everyday that time. But I didn't say anything, I just didn't want to be alone. After the call I always cried. And once again I wished that it would all be over. About two weeks before my 16th birthday I dropped out of school because my mental health was more important. I have scars on my arm and inside me.

At the end of December my cousin introduced BTS to me. I didn't think I would be interested because I had never been a fan of anyone. But I was wrong and I got to know them through Run BTS. They helped me to get those thoughts away from my head. They showed me that being an adult can be fun. BTS makes me smile and laugh. I met them at the right time. After I got rid of things that made me miserable, I needed a boost to happiness and BTS were that boost. Thanks to them I feel saved. It feels like it was my fate to find them.

I'm glad I didn't give up and now I won't. I can't leave them, I love them. They are the reason I will keep going. I'm proud to be an ARMY, and that's how BTS saved me.

To BTS: You are the reason my heart still beats. All seven of you will be in my heart forever. You are my happiness, life and true love. Thank you for everything you do. I'm proud of you.