Magic Mirror #2

Enough 🇺🇸

Hi! I'm Phebe and I am from USA 🇺🇸 and THIS IS MY STORY.

My life was perfectly fine up until I was about 8 or 9. That's when I couldn't look at myself in the mirror anymore. I don't know when it started but I stopped wearing shorts, tank tops, short sleeve shirts and dresses. Every single time I looked in the mirror I would cry. I stopped caring about the world around me and I fell. I fell so hard that I wouldn't believe it when people would say that I looked beautiful, I would only listen to the people who said I was ugly.

Then my parents started to make comments about my body and my worth. My brother once said "that's because you are incapable of doing anything" I don't know why these words stuck to me but they did. One time my parents said "hey get off the front of the boat you'll weigh it down"

Then my friends started to ignore me. I was the friend that would walk on the grass if there was no room on the side walk my friends would say stuff like "ew no you would look ugly in that" or "look what she's wearing". After a while I couldn't even think straight I didn't know what I was doing wrong. My parents would call me a failure and and then suddenly encourage me the next day.

I don't know why I even resorted to cutting myself but I did. I cut myself exactly 23 times. I would think hey maybe dying isn't that bad. I tried killing myself once with 186 pills I don't know why it didn't work but because it didn't work I started to get frustrated with myself and others. I would stay on my phone all day, I would where the exact same clothes over and over and over again.

Then in 2018 I heard the song the truth untold and I suddenly wanted to know the band BTS and even though I was just a baby ARMY I had my vlive notifications on so that I would be notified of all of there lives.

Then I had a really bad day one day and I just said it doesn't it matter no one will miss me it's not like I have any friends or family that actually care for me. So I decided to get it over with as quickly as possible and jump off a 15 story building but right before I did I got a notification from vlive so I decided to sit there and watch it.

I then walked home that day knowing that there is something to live for and that maybe just maybe there could be a possible chance that I actually matter.

BTS would always remind to love myself the way I am and not starve. BTS has helped in more ways than 1 and I can't even describe it. They are the ones who saved when I was at my lowest there the ones who told that I was enough.

They made me smile everyday and they made me happy. Even though I wasn't there from the beginning I have been an ARMY for 3 years, and I haven't been to a fan signing or a concert.

But just seeing a picture of there faces is enough to keep me here.