Magic Mirror #2

F;ighter 🇩🇪

Hi! I'm Zoe and I an from Germany 🇩🇪 and THIS IS MY STORY.

Everything started when I was born of course. We were a beautiful nice little family who had a lot of fun and loved each other. I was a happy little girl who loved to draw even though I was very young.

Then one day, I came in the kindergarten and the relationship between my parents got worse. My dad lied a lot and my mom hated him for that. They yelled at each other and argued the whole night till my mom decided to move away from my dad.

At first me (at this time 4 years old) and my mom moved to my aunt and lived with her I went to another kindergarten where the kids don't really realized me and did their own thing. I was alone and had no friends there. My mom knew that I'm not happy and said we'll go tomorrow to another kindergarten and see if I can go there. And I did. I liked most of the people and got a best friend which Is still a close friend of mine.

But the other groups didn't like me at all. They threw stones and apples at me and laughed at me. I just ignored them and finally got to school after 2 years. I went with my best friend and had such a great time. But the happiness didn't last long. My mom fell in love with a man. We had to move again and lived with him. It was okay, we didn't talk much he also hated my real dad. Someday he and my dad were on a call and screamed at each other. He was so upset because of my dad and hated me too even though I didn't do anything.

The relationship between us got very bad he threatened and he yelled at me for everything said I'm fat, a whore, disgusting and so on. Somehow the relationship between my mom and him got worse too. They had a huge fight after both of them drank. It was late something about 10 pm and I heard them screaming I went downstairs because my room was on the first floor. Both of them were on the balcony. I went outside and saw something that scared me.

I saw him hanging on a rope. He tried to kill himself. I was about 10 years old. I cried I don't know what to do. My mom was standing before him and tried to pull him on the balcony again. My mom was in shook too and also got a blue eye because he had beaten her up before that. She didn't think about taking a scissor because her only thought were to stay here and try to get him off.

I ran in the kitchen and brought her one. We cut him off and he fell a little bit down on the ground but was ok. It was terrible to see something like this. After this my mom cried even more and yelled at him why he did that. Somedays flew by and my mom decided to take me to therapy. It didn't really help anything to be honest and the relationship between me and him was still awful. After my therapy ended my mom told me she's pregnant. I was happy to get a little brother. When my brother was born he hated me even more and I don't even know why. He got an own son now so I was just there.

I can't do anything I don't have the right to, he said. After a while when I was about 13/14 he started to sexual harass me. He took down his pants when I was alone with him and got near me and touched me. I ran into my room and cried every time. He did that a lot but I also just was his little maid who should bring him his stuff but then listen to his stupid insults about me.

Every day I had to hear "I wanna beat you up so bad you fucking deserve this". I talked with my mom about this and she opened up to me too. She even told me he raped her a couple of times, punched and threatened her too. But she always told me she loved him, she can't let him go she knows he's good deep inside. I tried to help my mom with everything and believed she's right but after I've got a trauma and even dreamed about he raped me and imagined (or not) hearing a jeans zip because he pulled down his pants all the time. I stayed in my room don't even came out just if I had to go to the toilet or eat something.

I went to different therapys and am sick of It. I knew I'm worthless because he told me that all the time. I believed him. I even was embarrassed to go out in short jeans or something because I know I'm fat if they all told me it had to be true. I lost myself and was tired of trying and everything.

I didn't saw a reason to live anymore, got suicidal thoughts. Wanted to end it all. BTS helped me going through all of this bad things. They've told me I'm worth it, I should love myself, I shouldn't give up and I am perfect the way I am. I still don't love myself thinking still the same about me but, BTS gave me a reason. I know there's someone who's there for me even if I'm just another fan.

I wanna meet them. That's what I wanna try. I won't give up till I'll see them, that's what I promised them and myself.

I wanna make them know they're more than just a boy band. I and many other ARMY's are thankful for that, they saved us. I'm trying for them even if it's hard. And even if I might give up someday.
I'll fight till that day.