Magic Mirror #2

The Grinning Face 🇹🇳

Hi! I'm Rouis and I am from Tunisia 🇹🇳 and THIS IS MY STORY.

Smile is the first thing that comes to my mind every morning from my 12 years old. Saying 'good morning' to a dad who can't even remember his own name after a cva stroke and I have to remind him everyday days that he has a family and I'm his little girl. Or say 'good morning' to a fighter mom dealing with 4 children.

So I have to make sure that she doesn't notice that I'm still a child going through daily life experiences. This smile was my shell until the day that I realized that I can't cry anymore even in the funeral of my father at my 22 years old. I realize that his pictures that I am still keeping in my memories start to disappear, that hurt me so much.

I was wondering did I really forget him or just his face, What make me sad the number of my pictures with him, they are not much as others members of my family. I spend 10 years remembering him that I'm his daughter, his little princess and I forgot to make more memories with him. Did I do wrong doing that? now I'm regretting all second passed.

I still do my best to keep "scenery" in my mind
With his black and white picture. Even in my hardest time or even when I was diagnosed with menopause at my 23 years. diagnosed with autoimmune disease, switch my specialty after 2 years of university, suffers an accident and lost another year of university. I make through all this and I was the shelter until this year.

I realized that this shelter will collapse. I was so tired and I can't smile like before. I lost my smile with my dream, the day when my clinic was shut down after 6 years of hard work. It's really hard fighting your own demon.

Being dragged by those ideas to the bottom of nowhere. Did it was my fault. Where I all messed up? so many question like a storm that can destroy you and wiped all yourself confidence. It's a daily struggle to stay calm to keep your life stable but it's impossible cause I'm not a superhero, I'm just a human so I can cry, be angry even sometimes be vulnerable .

What I fear the most is this shadow growing inside me. Those demon make this shadow more and more bigger every time I give in because of tiredness, until it comes up and devoured me. But what make the difference it's your mind. You have to be the master of your life don't let this storm drag you, keep fighting.

This what I say to my self every day 'just another day, you can do it. You have all those peoples who love you. You have God it's really hard but I know on the bottom of my heart that everything will be better.

This is my RM"PERSONA".

I found a new smile 'ARMY SMILE' that day that I listened to 'MIKROKOSMOS' for the first time . I cried all my tears. I will never forget being the grinning face for my friends and family.

I will stand up for myself, for them. I will create my own dream and I will make it a reality.