Magic Mirror #2

Don't Let Down Take You Away 🇫🇷

Hi! I'm Mathilde and I am from France 🇫🇷 and THIS IS MY STORY.

I was born on November, 25th, 2002 in a city next to Paris. I have a sister who was born in 1997. The beginning of my childhood was a nice one, smiles and happiness surrounding me. Spending time with my cousin who is the same age as me, we're like twins, a strong bond connecting us. My parents have a second house near the sea, I was able to discover the cheerfulness of seeing the sea and feeling my feet on the sand.

Everything was good until my grandfather, one of the most precious gems of my life got really sick. He was admitted to the hospital to try to cure him or as least give him a few more weeks to live. Unfortunately what had to happen happened, i lost him, i was 6, still not understanding the meaning of death. Not knowing I will not see his smile again, feel his warmth and kindness and little by little forget my few memories with him and his face.

From the first year of kindergarten to the last year of elementary school I was always by my best friend's side through thick and thin, sadly we had to part ways entering middle school. My parents choosing to put me in a catholic private school. I was still able to see my best friend because we lived 5 minutes away from each other.

I made new friends and everything was fine before my third year of middle school. Someone dealt a fatal blow to my already cracked heart, breaking it into pieces. Spending all my nights crying in the dark, screaming in pain when no one could hear. Putting a mask on whenever people were with me, faking happiness.

This went on for a few weeks, I decided to do research on the fastest way to kill me. One day when my parents were not here, I went to the kitchen, taking a knife, just wanting to end it. To forget the pain and sadness in my heart and just go to sleep forever. Leaving all behind but staying as a faint memory in people's mind.

October 2020, I entered my acting school. It felt like home. My second one because earlier this year, I let myself discover BTS. Feeling accepted and a small remedy to my pain. Months passed, I was still in a dark place, fighting with my suicidal thoughts which were haunting me for 6 years. I was alone and cold in my head and soul.

One day I saw a light, a light of hope. A friend gave me her hand to hold and told me "I know what you're going through, I know what it feels like. Please don't leave me, I need you by my side. I promise you that you will see the light at the end of tunnel one day but not this one, not this one. Hold on I beg you. Do it for me". She was the first person ever to understand me. All my life, I was always saying I'm fine when someone was asking me if I was okay but she knew that it was a lie. She would hold me and help me stand up. She gave me hope again.

To this day (June 18th, 2021 the day I wrote this) mostly thanks to her and BTS's songs I've been suicidal thoughts free for 3 months. BTS's songs and them as human beings have been a source of acceptance and a force to fight against these thoughts.

Whenever I was crying or in pain, they would light up my face again by their smiles and words. I can never thank them enough for that. Today, I can say that I'm really happy.

I didn't let the dawn and the shadows take me away. Yes, I fell. I fell and tried again. I rose up everytime. I moved forward, pushing the thorns in my path, to stand where I am.

I have a future that awaits. I have dreams to accomplish and I will do it.