Magic Mirror #2

My Life From Grey To Colorful 🇩🇪

Hi! I'm Selina and I am from Germany 🇩🇪 and THIS IS MY STORY.

Let's Start from the beginning, when I was 7 or 8 years old, my parents got divorced. They hated on each other in front of my sister and me like there was no tomorrow, but pretended they would get along well.

Many times we had to visit the court to figure out who will take care of us. My mother wanted us alone, but also my father, so they even fought on the court date. I never came over that, I just was still to young to realize my parents don't love each other anymore and why we had to move out to my grandparents in their flat. There we lived with them under one roof for over 1 year, then we found an own flat, but my mom also found another Lover.

From knowing each other they went to love and we moved to his house. In the beginning he was nice, a young men who never had Kids in his life but gets along with them well. I thought. The longer we lived with him together the more he hated my sister and me. He always threatened me and her to lock us up somewhere or even to throw us out while he just kept our mother.

I was scared and felt uncomfortable to call this my 'home' so I "accidentally" always went to my father by bus and he had to drive me back to my mother. At least I got some minutes to feel calm and free. In the end my mom got depression and left him, we moved out back to my grandparents.

Then I came into primary school and was chosen to be a victim of bullying. My classmate threw stones on me in summer and big blocks of ice in winter. They told me to die everyday, to get lost, to get killed, to get kidnapped and never coming back again. They hid my school supplies, ruined my drawings with soap and water, and insulted me every day.

As a still young child I never got over it, I simply suppressed it like 'It will end soon, just don' t think about it an run away'. At home I cried often, I never wanted to go to school again, this hurted me because I never knew why me? Why me? I wasn't a bad person, I was still a kid.

I slowly got used to all that and stopped being friendly, I started to get a cold heart. This continued in middle school and I got into puberty, I started to to ignore on anything and anyone. I hated all, I hated everything, I lost my energy to move on, live on. It was still hard because I thought it will be better then, but it was hopeless.

This was the time in 8th class that I had my first Internet relationship with a half japenese boy whose name was Haku... (He lied to me for over 2 years pretending to be a boy, he actually was a girl and never wanted to tell me the truth. I got to know it from a stranger from a group who knew the secret already, when I talked to her she just acted childish and never cared for how much I was hurt and disappointed) she got me into Kpop, she introduced BTS to me and my first Song I listened and loved was 'Safe me' back in 2017.

They made me feel loved and most importantly, they made me feel comfortable and I hide myself in our little world every day more. They slowly got back my hope and appreciation for other people, they taught me to love myself, believe in my strengths and to tell me that I am not alone on this helpess journey called Life.

What does it have to do with my story?
Let me explain that to you, I fell down by everything that happened to me, I felt under preassure from school and my parents. I wanted to live a normal life with a defined home but I never had the chance to. My stepmother who I truly can call a Karen said to me I'm the disappointment of the family, I should be more like my sister, I should stop being such an immature person and start caring about my dad (who did many things wrong, but I'm not ready to talk about that here I'm sorry).

Everything hurted my soul more and more, every day I felt like more stones would be wrapped around my legs and pull me deep into the ocean while I slowly ran out of air.

I felt like drowning, I felt like nobody likes me, everybody wanted me to be the small little perfect puppet who's not having any problems. Listening to music was the same like sitting in an empty room where I just heard my heartbeat. I wanted to disappear from the planet, I wanted to be alone somewhere far away from here. I lost my happiness and everything that should keep me moving on in life.

BTS helped me, they pulled me up and broke the chains of there weights around my legs. They led me into a world of happiness, like the lost boy from Neverland. When I was with them I felt free, accepted and just like I can be myself and enjoy life in every Moment.

My habit to suppress bad things is still there and I try to fight against my anxiety with the help of seven Korean boys.

They truly made and make me happy, their smiles and laughs are what gives me hope for better days. With them I can go into my future and learn all the positive things I never got, they bring color in my grey life and showed me how beautiful it can be to live even there are still many downs.

I know this is maybe not the deepest and worsest story but this is my story, thank you for reading!