Magic Mirror #2

Solitude 🇬🇭

Hi! I'm lady_123 and I am from Ghana 🇬🇭 and THIS IS MY STORY.

Since I was a kid people always expected the best from me my family, friends and my teachers, so I started to push myself to be the best at everything to make my parents happy. I will always put on a smile infront of them and act as if I just cared about useless things, but I was going through stuff no one knew about, when I was 6 I moved towns which meant a new school and new friends, I was ready and happy to make new friends but things didn't go as planned, when ever I tried to interact with them they said no one wanted me around and I should leave.

I didn't know what I did wrong and so I asked them and they said I was too smart and I kept acting like I was better than everyone else, and then the term was over.

We moved to a new class and I stayed positive I told myself a new term, a new week, a new year, a new day things might be diffrent and they started treating me well but I knew it was just for money but my stupid self said I should just do what they want then maybe they will want to be my friends but it just got worse and I played along with it for 2 years, and I finally told my mom but she said I should apologize.

I must have done something wrong and my dad said I wasn't there to make friends I was there to pass my exams get into the best secoundary school then the best collage, honestly all my life my whole life had been planned out, my parents expect me to be a lawyer and that is even after a deal that I want become a nurse.

I said okay because I didn't have a dream. You may ask why I didn't tell my teachers but to the school and everyone who knows my family we are the dream family but it is far from the truth my parents argue all the time my siblings and I are like strangers and I started binge eating and it didn't help that my parents, classmates and teachers kept telling me I am to fat for my age and my parents keep telling me when I was a child I was pretty they say it as a joke and I laugh but it hurts.

When I was 9 I was sexually assulted and I didn't even know I was sexually assulted until I was 11 and I kept on blaming myself that it didn't just happen once but twice and I told myself maybe if you where smart it wouldn't happen, and when my parents still don't know, I am afraid to tell them, and I am afraid they will be disappointed in me.

I also thought that it didn't happen, it was just in my head and that why would anyone be attracted to me but every time I saw him I become scared and him being my neighbor didn't help. I thought it didn't matter that along as I had my grades that's all that's important but grades began to fail.

I was no longer part of the top 20 and when me and my siblings talk to my parents they were mad at us. I ended up moving to a diffrent school because my parents thought maybe if I moved schools my grade will become better, but I ended up falling for a guy I knew we could never be together not just because I thought he wouldn't like me but because the society I live in doesn't think children can fall in love and because my parents tell us that the only time any of us can date is when we have a degree and we are working.

So I decide to tell my bestfriends that I liked him but it didn't go as planned my bestfriends told me that he used to like one of my bestfriends and she liked him after he stopped liking her but she doesn't like him anymore, and I decide to keep my distance just incase he was just using me to get close to her but everything he did showed me, he actually does like me but a week later she told me she still likes him, so I kept my distance but he kept on trying to get close to me.

So I decide to just be friends with him and one day we were playing games and I asked him if he likes anyone and he said he liked my other bestfriend so I tried to set them up together but I was just hurting myself because whenever they talked I was with them. And I thought I deserved it because I was never the smartest or prettiest.

And I thought maybe that's my life and that I don't deserve any happiness but then BTS showed me its okay and that's it's fine.

I don't have to be the best.

They showed me that the world can be evil but it's okay there are good sides to it and I should give my hand to them and trust them with their world, they would me be the best version of myself and I can make mistakes and I should look at the world from a whole diffrent perspective.

Their lyrics expresed the emotions I couldn't open my mouth to say, and that no one is perfect and it's alright to make mistakes and that no matter what I did I did not deserve what happened and I should love myself no matter what, and when I can't sleep at night it's alright I'm not wierd.

If I don't have friends it's okay and I shouldn't always be the one who is there for every one but others should be there for me too.

But there are more to life and I am still learning.