I'll Fight Hell to Hold You

I Don't Want To

Finally Tommy spoke up. "I fully understand what needs to be done but I don't want to have Madyson early. I promise I will follow doctor's orders until she comes." "Paul, please don't make this decision without my consent. If you go against my wishes and schedule anything without my approval, I'll leave and take the girls with me."

"Tom, I promise you we'll make this decision together. I do want you to get help but forcing you to would just make it worse." "If you decide later, then I'll back you up." He leaned over and kissed Tommy on the cheek. "I won't let you leave me, okay?" "I understand your concerns but you do understand that the longer you wait, the worse your symptoms can become."

Tommy let out a frustrated growl. "I UNDERSTAND THAT! " "Please leave me alone about it." He then turned towards the wall. "Just go home or away from here."

Paul got up to leave but sat back down. Grabbing Tommy's arm, he pulled him towards him and smothered him in a fierce kiss. This went on for several minutes until he let Tommy go. "If you leave I'll never be able to do that again. Do you want me to leave and go home or do you want me to stay? I can make you forget everything that bothers you ."

Breathlessly Tommy whispered, "I love you so much. I'm truly terrified of sliding into a darkness that I can't return from. I feel so overwhelmed at times that I can't deal with it, so I cut. If it eases the pain just a bit it's better. Paul, what if I feel the need to do that when I'm at home with the girls? If I pass out, they could get hurt or worse. Help me Paul! "   Tommy burst into tears and clung to Paul. He could feel his husband's arms around him, soothing him. "Baby, it's going to turn out okay. I've got you."

They stayed there in silence for a long time. Paul finally was able to ease Tommy back down into the bed and get him covered up. "Please just rest and I'll be right here." 

Finally Tommy's breathing evened out and he fell asleep.