I'll Fight Hell to Hold You

Telling Paul Everything Part 1

Tommy had finally felt comfortable enough to ask the therapist to call Paul to come join him for a therapy session. He was ready to tell his husband everything, even if it meant losing him. 

When Paul came in, out of breath, the therapist just said ,"Tommy wants to open up to you. He's willing to bare his soul but wants you to listen until he's completely done." After that the therapist left the room. 

Tommy paced the room as Paul waited on him to start. Finally he took a deep breathe  and said, "I don't know if I can get through this without crying or breaking down but I'm going to try." "When I first broke down that night in the hotel room because Jaime cheated on me, I was so afraid you'd just start laughing." "We were in a relationship for several years and he always cheated on me. I stayed because I believed him every time he apologized. I never ever once cheated on him nor have I done it on purpose to you. I have loved you for the same amount of time I was with Jaime but I didn't have the nerve to tell you. You were with Gene so I didn't want to intrude. I was actually jealous of you two." 

Paul shook his head. "No, I wasn't in a relationship with Gene ever. It was Peter or Ace."

Tommy frowned at Ace's name but continued. "When we were in Europe I actually had thoughts of asking Pat to sleep with me but he has a wife so I didn't. It wasn't because I was attracted to him, it was because I thought you were cheating. It would have been for revenge but I didn't, I went and got plastered and wound up back with Jaime." "Just so you know, Pat would have turned me down." "After you found me that night, I was so ashamed afterwards that I started cutting to ease the guilt I felt." "I continued to do it because I felt good afterwards. " "Unfortunately it didn't last so I'd do it again."

"After the first few times you didn't say anything, I thought you hadn't noticed so I started doing it daily. " "I started getting careless after awhile though and that's when you found the sharp things." 

Tommy paused to catch his breath and looked up to see Paul with tears streaming down his face. 

"Why, baby? Did you think I didn't notice? I was just so scared I didn't know how to ask you why. If I contributed to your pain further, I'm so so sorry."

By now Tommy had started crying too.