I'll Fight Hell to Hold You

Tommy(P.O.V.)

I knew Paul found the blade as I didn't hide it too well. I guess in a way I wanted him to find it. Anyway, I was looking forward to ice cream but my mood quickly disappeared as we turned the corner. 

I can't believe we almost walked, literally, into my ex and his ....family?! What! Wait!!! That's not the same girl he married! But his son looks just like my Hannah. Oh God, I can't. I just can't. To make it worse, Hannah yells out "DA! DA!" causing him to smirk. 

I could hear my beloved husband calling my name as I turn and run. I can't face any of them, especially J. I know now what he did and I know Hannah will always be a reminder. I will never hate Hannah Colleen as it's not her fault. It's mine! I was so so stupid-all because I can't control my damned sexual urges when I drink.

I keep running until I almost pass out. How I got to the house I'll never know. Letting myself in, I run to the bathroom and lock myself in. I sink to my knees, trying to not cry or do something even worse. Hugging myself tightly, I can hear the triplets fussing as Paul comes through the front door, out of breath. "Tom, baby? Are you here?" I can hear him calling. I don't say a word. 

Paul must have walked away because I don't hear anything for quite awhile. Eventually as I'm sinking into a dazed state of confused emotions, I think I hear the bathroom door opening. "Baby?" comes Paul's concerned voice. "Tom?"

I can vaguely recall him bending down in front of me, lifting my chin to look into my eyes. "Baby? Are you in there? Tom, come on. Stand up."

Again I register Paul undressing me as the tub fills. I know that I'm soon emerged into a warm tub but after that I lose any thought of coherency and just watch him bathe me from somewhere inside of my mind. Words are lost on me. Even Paul's gentle, concerned filled kisses don't register.