I'll Fight Hell to Hold You

Disappointed

Paul's birthday had come and gone. Tommy was waiting on him to open the pregnancy test now that everyone was gone. He had taken a second one but somehow still felt like something was wrong. He didn't feel pregnant. 

"Baby?" asked Paul. "You don't seem excited anymore." "Was it the party? The guests? What?"

" I-I-I'm fine. J-J-Just tired a bit."

"Baby, look at me. What's really wrong?"

"E-e-even though the test is positive, I don't feel pregnant. I took a second one but I think it's wrong."

Paul took Tommy's hands in his and said," We'll go to the doctor and get one done if you want." The look in his husband's eyes told him everything. "Tom, come on. Let's go to bed and talk. The party was great, by the way."

"Even if Gene slipped and landed in the snow? With your cake?"

"Yea, the look on his face was priceless." grinned Paul. " I was a bit disappointed that the chocolate was frozen." "Even though I told him not to walk on the driveway, did he listen? No."

Tommy cracked a small smile as he followed Paul to their room. "Paul, do you think the miscarriage is why I'm not pregnant yet?"

"Baby, I think it's because your body has to heal completely. You've carried four beautiful babies in less than a year. Give yourself time, okay?" He kissed Tommy as they got into bed. "Tom, could I ask you something? I'd like an honest answer too."

"Sure, what is it?"

"Do you really and truly want another baby right now?"

Tommy wanted to answer yes right away but he hesitated. "I do....but what if.....you know."

"Babe, it's not your fault Rory and Mady are deaf, okay? Is that what you're afraid of?"

"Yes. How are they going to be able to take care of themselves if something happens?"

"Like?"

"I don't know. "

Paul had to reassure Tommy everything would be okay. "Why don't we just enjoy the moment?" Taking his husband in his arms, Paul held him until he was asleep. Unknown to Tommy, Paul had already known about the false pregnancy. He had already talked to the doctor about the situation. She had advised against more children for at least a year.