OC reviews And Tips (Closed)

Review 57 // Celeste Bright

Another Harry Potter oc, this time for guradiaherdfan

My comments will be in bold

Basics and grounding/character information

Personally, I think that these are some interesting concepts but they need to be built upon and developed more. For example, adding more hobbies and positive personality traits, because her personality is overall very negative. I understand that some people aren't great, but usually, people have one or two positive traits at least.

Relationships

Like stated previously, I have no problems with oc x canon and whilst it isn't uncommon to see George as the love interest, he isn't the most popular either, so interesting choice. It's also interesting seeing that she doesn't like Hermione, is there reasoning behind these dislikings? If you ever write a piece including this character, make sure these traits are well represented and that they're explained equally as well.

Backstory

I understand that making your character have a too tragic backstory can come across as Marysuish, and as stated early you seem to be set in avoiding this, which of course isn't a bad thing. However, being overly paranoid about it can stop your creative ability and make your character average. Most people, especially in the world of wizardry, will have something significant take place in their life before the start of secondary school. I recommend backing this past more detailed and a little more unique and interesting.

Other

I don't really have much to say here as long as her skills have reason, like training but since she goes to a school of wizardry, it makes sense.

Stats

I normally work in fives so this is slightly more confusing to me but I'll try my best to critique it. Despite describing her as liking pranks and being mostly negative, most of these stats are pretty high. For example, to balance out those nines, you'd need to use twos in order for her to maintain a levelled out character.

Extra

T

his is fine I suppose, since I lack knowledge of how the magic works, that white hair thing may it may not work, I'm not knowledgable enough on the topic.

Final thoughts
This seems like a pretty decent character, but I mainly recommend just sitting down and developing her further to really add to her character and improve her, but apart from that, she's pretty good so well done.

*My critiques are simply at your request and to help improve your character. It is not my intention to cause any offence and you, of course, do not have to listen to what I've said. This is all just a bit of fun and I apologise if I have done any kind of damage*