OC reviews And Tips (Closed)

Review 119 // Shion Nakata

Here is a review for Aekonos

My comments will be in bold

Basics and grounding

Interesting inspirations here.

Character information

Alright so this is pretty good for the most part but there are issues.

First, what's her personality? You didn't write it and it's one of the requirements for this section. If you're struggling to write one I suggest starting off with a couple of word prompts and then developing them into a paragraph to really give your oc a distinct personality.

The other issue is with her Sexuality but that'd really just because at 15/16 teens are definitely aware of what Sexuality is and are either questioning it or have figured it out. This obviously isn't in all cases but it does feel slightly unrealistic. She doesn't have to know what her sexuality is, but you said she doesn't know what a Sexuality is, which is strange.

As far as hobbies go, make sure that she has hobbies outside of her quirk.

Why does her quirk cause her eyes to go black too??

Relationships

This is all good as long as you're careful with hallucinations and stuff. Make sure these Relationships are developed and make sense.

I got nothing against oc x Canon and I really like ship dynamics like that so it's cool with me.

Backstory

Alright so this is interesting but you have to be careful with overly tragic backstories and should probably add some key good points before all of this kicked off. Now, as someone who's a fan of the manga and the show has caught up to one of my favourite story lines, I can't help be see the similarities between her story and Eri's. People using their children for drug related business is probably nearly non-existent and there's already a plot in the canon focused around it. I'm not saying you have to completely change it but certain aspects need to be worked upon including the relationship with her parents.

The other issue is Shinso, him getting the letter is cool I guess but what events led to her getting into U.A from him receiving that letter. It doesn't make much sense considering he's not even in the hero course yet, unless this takes place way later on or something because I really ain't that far ahead with the manga.

Other

Alright her quirk sounds cool, but being able to control hormones and be a drug at the same time is pretty powerful and feels like nearly two quirks in one. Maybe change it slightly so that if someone ingests her blood (can be via forced syringe) then she can control their hormones because that plays into the idea of hormone control drugs at the same time, because obviously drugs have to be consumed to have any effect. Either that or you think of scrapping one of them because honestly hormone control is already a powerful ability if you know what you're doing.

Stats

Stats are balanced so no issues here.

Final thoughts
I think that this oc could be really good but you have to just sit down and work out what's going on with her. Whilst her concepts are interesting, you have to tone them down and work them out.

*My critiques are simply at your request and to help improve your character. It is not my intention to cause any offence and you, of course, do not have to listen to what I've said. This is all just a bit of fun and I apologise if I have done any kind of damage*