REQUESTS ARE CLOSED
Designed a new character but want to know others thoughts on it? Want to get some tips on how to make a good character or to be pointed in the right direction? Well, you're in the right place! I'm here to check your guys' OCS an...
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You already know this from my last review, but I have a love-hate relationship with this universe so I'm not always the nicest with it. Though I will still try my best to be completely unbiased.
Character information
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I'm gonna say it now so I don't have to say it again, creepypasta characters are meant to be scary and nothing about this is scary. I never recommend making creatures such as kitsunes or nekos creepypasta characters because they're just not scary. Her personality is, again, not scary or off putting. This character like this could work in a different universe, just not creepypasta.
Also put more detail into everything here like her personality and appearence. Like how tall? How much does she weigh? What's her body type? Just things like that. Add more traits in general to her personality.
Honestly, I think for a a creepypasta universe, the Shap shifter version worked better but obviously it's up to you whether you change it or not.
Relationships
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You gotta explain these relationships and flesh them out to show the effect and development on the character.
Backstory
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In short, my advice here is much more detail needs to be added. Like why did he kick them out? Does he have something against Kitsunes? How was it hidden? Why was it hidden? What exactly prompted them to kill their own father? Because most people definitely wouldn't react like that and choose to act like that especially with her personality. It just doesn't make sense. Don't just throw murder into a story in an attempt to make a character a creepypasta.
I recommend making it so this character just isn't in this universe and even if you don't choose that then there are other scary options to make her scary. For example: stalking.
Other
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Kitsunes have various powers and that changes on who you ask so you definitely have to write out her abilities so it's set in stone. The knife is fine but be careful because it's cliché in this universe.
Stats
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These are fine but I have an issue with the final comment. At no other point have you mentioned this power or that she lures men in the first place. You need to think over that and make sure that the entire proilfe works together and that it isn't just odd things thrown in to add to the character with no substance.
Final thoughts I think this character would work a lot better in an original universe without all the murder stuff. Though I'm not saying you have to, that seems like the easiest fix. If you don't want to do that then you're gonna have to flesh out and add and change a lot of stuff but I think you can do it. There is potential for her but you need to work on her a lot more.
*My critiques are simply at your request and to help improve your character. It is not my intention to cause any offence and you, of course, do not have to listen to what I've said. This is all just a bit of fun and I apologise if I have done any kind of damage*
