REQUESTS ARE CLOSED
Designed a new character but want to know others thoughts on it? Want to get some tips on how to make a good character or to be pointed in the right direction? Well, you're in the right place! I'm here to check your guys' OCS an...
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There's nothing wrong here and she seems interesting. The only issue I have here is that nothing about her appearance or personality is inherently scary, which is the point of creepypasta. I'm not saying that scary character has to outright horrifically, but then it comes to creepypasta it's kinda expected.
Also, make sure her personality doesn't contradict itself and maybe adding s scarier trait, because often having a normal person with one or two off traits can be scarier than someone who is outright murderous. I know your character isn't meant to be scary, but I don't think anyone could survive these guys if they're not willing to cut someone.
Relationships
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Alright, I have the unpopular opinion of creepypasta characters shouldn't interact with other ones since that kills the creepy factor. I have nothing against oc x canon, it's probably one of the things in the writing community I completely support. However, not really when we're dealing with murders and the characters' personality needs to be changed for it to work. If you think you can make this work, then who am I to stop you?
Also, I wouldn't class Ben as an enemy, probably a frenemy. Since I imagine creepypasta enemies would be trying to kill each other, not 1v1 on Minecraft.
Backstory
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Whilst I don't know that much about Toby, I feel like a lot would need to take place for this to be plausible. Also, I'm fine with her not being a creepypasta, but she's probably gotta have some kind of screw loose go want to be friends and date a murderer. Honestly, all I can tell you here is to develop this further and flesh it out more.
Other
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Again, murderers, whether they'd be playful or not is unknown but very unlikely. Since this character isn't meant to be scary, maybe this could work? I'm not sure though.
Stats
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These stats are fine for the most part, but I recommend lowering a stat to a one to balance out that five.
Final thoughts Despite what I've said, I do like this character. I think having a none murderous cp oc is interesting, but hard to pull off when there's nothing scary or daring about them. I think it can be done, but you need to develop her further and make sure that this could be a solid character, including researching the characters she interacts with.
*My critiques are simply at your request and to help improve your character. It is not my intention to cause any offence and you, of course, do not have to listen to what I've said. This is all just a bit of fun and I apologise if I have done any kind of damage*
