OC reviews And Tips (Closed)

Review 23 // Zerania Marie Umber

Here we have another creepypasta oc, this time by Foxshade05

My comments will be in bold

Basics and grounding /character information

For some reason I don't quite understand, nekos are weirdly popular in the cp community. Since this is a cp character, I will obviously be seeing how scary this character seems if I were to face her in real life. I understand that you love cats and dogs, but nekos in this fanbase get a lot of backlash because they're just not scary. If you really want a neko character, you don't have to change this, or you could even create another character that's a neko for a universe where it would be more fitting.

Personalities are based up of a lot different traits, which you've given a lot of, which is great! In this case I think there could be too many though, since some of them clash with eachother such as being cautious and impulsive, loud and quiet, difiant and submissive. I think what you've tried to do is add everything to a character so you can make her whatever you want, but that's not how people work sadly. You could have her be a super rebellious and bold character, like some of the traits, or submissive and solitary, like some of the traits imply. Do you see how those clash? Of course, some people do act differently around different people, but most people don't have traits that clash with eachother as much as they do here. I'm not saying to recreate her personality, just simply remove some of the ones that clash with the ones you prefer.

I suggest adding some more detailed and unique hobbies to really add to the character.

You definitely don't have to do this, but have you considered aging her up? Most children wouldn't be able to do what these characters will inevitably do, so aging her up will be more realistic.

Relationships

I whole heartedly approve of not making your character be romantically interested in anyone. Murderous and sociopathic characters should not have love interests.

Having the parents be dead is common, but as long as she didn't kill them I have no issue with this.

Backstory

I'm not sure about the medical side of things, but if you're unsure here I recommend looking up medical disorders and find one that fits the scenario here in order to make this more realistic.

Characters being bullied is very common in cp characters as well, even having her just struggle at the orphanage wouldn't change anything here. Some people are just naturally pessimistic and since she's 14 (if you decide not to age her up) during this time you could just say she's being an edgy teen™.

Having characters find the other creepypastas is also very common, bare in mind, these are a bunch of sociopathic killers and supernatural entities. They would not get along under the same roof.

Back to the personality thing, definitely keep the traits that are shown in her Backstory, because in that case her character will stay consistent.

Other / stats

Where did she get these weapons? How did she become this strong agile? These are questions you have to think about when writing a character like this. Someone of her age would normally not be able to use these weapons unless previously trained, and there's nothing to suggest that she has.

As far as stats go, I'll give you the same advice I give everyone else; have at least one lower stat and only one that is a 5. This way the character and their abilities stays balanced and doesn't seem overpowered.

Final thoughts
I personally think that this could be a very good character in the near future if just added to and improved upon slightly. There's a lot of potential her and I think you can do something great with it, so good job!

*My critiques are simply at your request and to help improve your character. It is not my intention to cause any offence and you of course do not have to listen to what I've said. This us all just a bit of fun and I apologise if I have done any kind of damage*