Review 133 // Belavahn Of Clan Arlanan

82 5 4
                                    

Here is a review for HailPanTheGayestGoat

My comments will be in bold

Basics and grounding

Sounds cool but always make sure not to overwhelm the reader with new information

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Sounds cool but always make sure not to overwhelm the reader with new information.

Character information

Character information

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So far he sounds like a pretty good character and I like the sound of his design (sorry I couldn't find the image which is my bad I have a lot of reviews to do)

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So far he sounds like a pretty good character and I like the sound of his design (sorry I couldn't find the image which is my bad I have a lot of reviews to do). The only issue I actually have here is that when it comes to personality I always recommend typing up a paragraph instead of just one word traits. It helps make the character feel more real and developed, adding to their likability.

Also maybe add some more hobbies.

Relationships

Relationships

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I actually really like some of the concepts and characters here, Phos definitely sounds like an interesting one

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I actually really like some of the concepts and characters here, Phos definitely sounds like an interesting one. Just make sure to explain these concepts clearly and that they help develop and effect the character.

Backstory

Alright so whilst this is interesting it happened very quick in this paragraph which makes it slightly confusing so again, just be careful not to lose your audience

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Alright so whilst this is interesting it happened very quick in this paragraph which makes it slightly confusing so again, just be careful not to lose your audience.

Other

This is all fine, he has cool powers and concepts

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This is all fine, he has cool powers and concepts.

Stats
You didnt give me any stats but I definitely suggest giving him some because they act as a steady grounding for the character.

Final thoughts
Overall this character is pretty good. Just work on a couple of things and add some more development and he should be good to go.

*My critiques are simply at your request and to help improve your character. It is not my intention to cause any offence and you, of course, do not have to listen to what I've said. This is all just a bit of fun and I apologise if I have done any kind of damage*

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