REQUESTS ARE CLOSED
Designed a new character but want to know others thoughts on it? Want to get some tips on how to make a good character or to be pointed in the right direction? Well, you're in the right place! I'm here to check your guys' OCS an...
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Sounds like a pretty cool concept, please be careful with a lot of new information in a universe like this though. Don't dump all the information on the reader in one go.
Character information
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This works for the most part but definitely be more descriptive of her appearance. What's he body shape? Skin tone? Facial structure? Stuff like that.
You say that she has a sweet side but that's not described in her personality, it's all of her cruel but adventurous side, so definitely make that more detailed. I don't really have a problem with a character doing this because manipulative, two faced characters are really my jam.
Her age is also kind of questionable because that is pretty young, but if it works overall then it's fine.
Apart from that, this is fine.
Relationships
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This works up until the enemies bit. Why has a 14 year old girl been forced to join a rebellious group??
Most of this works though.
Backstory
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Okay this is a lot and there are a lot of words I don't know. Be careful with fantasy universe because you have to explain their concepts.
Why is she forced to join? How is she useful to them? What's a blood wolf? Why would her mother leave her entire family around to go to a mystical place?
There is a lot you have to work out with this Backstory so it has more detail and makes more sense.
Other
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She's pretty young so I doubt messing around in a forest is gonna make here a top-notch fighter so maybe have her dad train her, since he runs a gym? I feel like that makes more sense.
Apart from that this is fine.
Stats
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I normally recommend on only having one 5 so the character doesn't feel too op and the majority of these stats are pretty high, so lower some of them because we're going for balance mainly.
Final thoughts This character has some pretty decent concepts and could be a really good antagonist, but she needs work and some of the fundimental ideas being explained. If you keep working on her, she could be really interesting.
*My critiques are simply at your request and to help improve your character. It is not my intention to cause any offence and you, of course, do not have to listen to what I've said. This is all just a bit of fun and I apologise if I have done any kind of damage*
