Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Alisha: Obsession

Title: Obsession

Author: elladonkoh

Reviewer: miaamigo

Number of chapters read: Five.

Disclaimer: 

These are just my opinions. You do not have to like them. I do not mean to discourage you. But I don't really sugarcoat things.

Characters: 

Your characters are okay. I'm not impressed with them. I personally think every charecter should have at least one special and unique trait and I didn't find any in all your characters. They weren't anything special. They were basically an outline of every other romance book I have ever seen that is set in high school and I hate to say it, but they were plain boring. There was no aspect about them that made me go wow or excited me.

You actually portrayed all the usual characters -- that is nerd, tough guy, vsco girl.

Grammar/sentence formation/word choice: 

This section was poorly done. I highly recommend getting an editor to edit your book. I suggest editing your own book after writing it. Editing is a very important part of writing a book and I always recommend doing it right after you write a chapter. Your grammar was okay but your word choice and sentence formation could use some work.

Here are some examples I caught hold of:

- Gushed what? You stopped the sentence at gushed and it made no sense.

- '(I was puzzled...anything)'

Why are texts in brackets at all? Almost everything you have put in brackets can be removed. Refrain from using brackets as much as possible in books.

- 'I saw something that made grin'

Made grin? What is that supposed to mean? How can one make grin?

Correct sentence: 'I saw something that made me grin'.

Please don't omit necessary words.

- 'His eyes. They are mesmerizing. I kept staring at them.'

Refrain from creating small sentences. This entire thing could have been made into one sentence like this : His eyes, mesmerizing, kept me staring. Or it could go like this - His eyes were mesmerizing and kept me staring.

- 'Filled with facts!!!!!'

Why are there so many exclamation points? One exclamation will do the job.

- Suggestion: Use 'not human' not 'inhuman' in this specific context. Although inhuman would also be considered correct, 'not human' would fit better. This is mainly because people usually link the word 'inhuman' with cruelty.

- 'I start flipping through to see what he has done'

Where is the full stop after this sentence? It is not only this sentence but quite a few where I noticed that the full stops were missing.

- 'I closed my eyes awaiting my soon.'

This sentence seems to be incomplete or just doesn't make sense.

- 'Just the an arm....floor' (I didn't write the entire sentence)

What does 'just the an arm' mean? There are just so many silly mistakes in this sphere that could have been avoided.