Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Addie: Whirlwind

Title: Whirlwind

Author: softyhartz

Reviewer: Addison-AJ

Unfortunately, Bella couldn't complete this review. Luckily, the wonderful godsend Addie stepped in to save the day -- thank you so much, Addie! 

Title: 5/5

I really like the creativity of your title. Most people would probably just call it something more regular, or words that go together and somewhat describe the story. But you made it a lot more interesting by calling it Whirlwind. Plus, I enjoyed how it also still matches with your story perfectly.

Summary: 4/5

Your summary was very unique and engaging. However, I do think that it could use a little more polishing. Although it is very intriguing, adding a little more could make your readers want to read it even more. Maybe just a couple more sentences with more detail. But not so much that you give the entire story away.

I would recommend including something about the newspaper that Cassandra finds and shows to Alyson. That part was very interesting to me, and maybe you could add something about Ethan's shocking secret. It would make it a lot more interactive with the reader. 

Grammr: 5/5

Your grammar is absolutely perfect! No mistakes at all! That's pretty rare, but you did an amazing job with it. I was able to read through your story smoothly, without having any grammar mistakes. No typos, no incorrect use of punctuation. That's great! Plus, your sentence structure is awesome. Your grammar is definitely a 5/5.

Character Building: 4/5

I really did enjoy your characters. However, I think there should be just a little more variation between the characters. Especially between Alyson and Cassandra. Cassandra is in the story quite a bit, and I really do think there should be a more detailed description of her. Some more differences between your characters could go a long way.

I do think that Ethan and Alyson have enough attributes to make them different from each other, though. Ethan is quiet and more private with what he knows than Alyson. You do mention several times that Ethan doesn't say much around others. I think editing with Cassandra's personality is what could make your story better. Other than that, amazing job here!

Writing Style: 5/5

Your writing style is very unique. There's so much description and detail in every single one of your chapters, but not so much that it's very difficult to understand. I feel like when most writers usually add so much description, readers find it harder to process all the information. Therefore, it's less enjoyable to read. But with your book, it was like an adventure going through each chapter.

Also, I really liked how you didn't introduce a ton of characters in the first chapter. It was all even and easy to read. In fact, compared to some other stories, there's actually not as many characters throughout your book. But it leaves a lot more space for description and detail, which I loved!

Plot + Originality: 4.5/5

I feel like a have read a couple of other books like this one, but you add several twists to keep it very engaging. Your story and plot is so impactful, and I love how you make the readers want more. At the end of each chapter, there's always a question that you leave the reader with. Even though it's not always a cliff-hanger, it's still pretty interesting. The best part was the ending, however, and I can see how it's so well-planned.

Your entire book is very unique, and the only thing that I would recommend is adding some more clues to why Ethan is so personal throughout the book. Maybe you could add some more times when Alyson thinks about why Ethan's so different. What changed in those two years? Why is he so distant? Something like that would be nice, but it's just a small suggestion.

OVERALL SCORE: 27.5/30

This is a very good score overall. There are just a couple of things that could make your story a little more enjoyable, but you did a phenomenal job so far! Once you work a little more on your characters and plot, it'll be even better!