Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Faye: Thorns and Roses

Title: Thorns and Roses: How We Met

Author: 11drac11

Reviewer: Fayesther

Blurb: 5/5

The blurb is informative and a nice length. Starting with a quick introduction to the story and the themes of the book. Next including a bit of information about each of the four main characters. Then finishing it off with snippets of the story, displaying your writing style, which, in my opinion, is a good choice. A very clear blurb that works well for this story. 

Grammar: 2/5

I noticed a few recurring grammar errors throughout this story. One in particular that stood out was your use of the word (and the variations of) "told". A lot of the time you use "told" meaning "said". Although they technically mean the same thing, they are words that can't be used in the same way. The word "told" (and its variations), when written in this context , only works in a sentence if both parties are included within the written interaction (i.e. "I told you", "He was telling me" etc.)

There were a few other instances where you have clumsy word choices within your writing – I tried to pinpoint a few as I read, I hope you found this useful.

When writing dialogue make sure to use a new line for every new speaker – this helps the reader to keep track of who is saying what.

And lastly, a quick nit-pick - when writing numbers in prose, using the words looks better on the page, than digits.

Writing Style: 3.5/5

Overall I found your writing style effectively engaging. The structure of this story is sound and the majority of it flows nicely. However, there were places where it got repetitive. For example: In chapter three, you repeat the word "lava" quite a few times.

Usually I do not like it when writers use more modern colloquial gimmicks within their writing, such as, adding extra letters to words, using all caps within narration etc. However, I found that this worked well to express Kajal's personality within her narration. Therefore it fit nicely within this story and was a well thought out, yet unique, choice to enhance the story. That being said, I don't think you should've used this tool when you changed the narrator later on. In my mind, the adding of extra letters to words is a "Kajal quirk" and ensuring that you keep it to only Kajal's POV will help distinguish between the narrators even more than you already have done successfully within other aspects of your writing.

I loved the moments where your narrator (Kajal) gets distracted from the story and has brief aside thoughts. I thought that was a really cool idea. It gave me a television drama sort of vibe, where the main character breaks the fourth wall and speaks to the viewer.

You are really good at describing actions within more dramatic scenes, you made these parts really exciting!

A small nit-pick within this section is; I think Kajal's rants at Irshad in the earlier chapters are a bit long-winded, I think it would benefit the reader if you broke them up a bit. You could do this by adding actions or gestures she might be doing as she rants.

Characterisation: 4.5/5

I love your characters! They are clearly well thought out and you portray them so well on the page.

Kajal is young and naive. The way she reacts to the situations she is thrown into is very relatable. She is decisive and strong despite her hardships.