Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Addie: A Twisted Deception

Title: A Twisted Deception

Author: SydPanda5

Reviewer: Addison-AJ

Summary: 4.1/5

Starting off, you had a fantastic summary! It had everything the reader needed to know and was very intriguing. There was the plot, the characters, the conflict, and a marvelous quote at the beginning. Now the summary was well written, but there were a few things with room for improvement. One of these is the pace of your description, which I'll be talking about first.

The pace was amazing at the beginning, with Raven's regular life as a thief. Then, you moved on to the agent's offer with the other criminals. This was where it began to feel slightly more rushed, in my opinion. The question and information in the second paragraph could have been smoother. You went from an independent thief to a criminal team offer in just a few sentences. I would suggest that you even it out more.

To do this, I encourage you to describe the plot in more detail. Give barely enough information in between the lines. There was definitely some detail, but I think there's room for more. When you talk about the MI6 agent, try to add more about his personality and how he found her. Usually, summaries have enough information to pull the reader in and create interesting questions. But there's not so much that it answers all of them.

There was one major question at the end, but perhaps you could use more throughout? Talk about how she begins to fall for one of the members on the team. What brought them together in the first place? Was it the typical 'love at first sight?' Try to give the reader an idea of what to expect with these questions, and make sure to add enough to actually make them. How was an MI6 agent able to track her if she was the most-wanted thief? How many other people had tried to track her down?

To emphasize this, I'd like to talk about the other x-criminals. Maybe you could use some more information about their life, in contrast to Raven's. How did they become partners with each other in crime? Overall, I encourage you to work on the pace a little bit and take a look at the placement of the wording in paragraph one. But otherwise, I think you've got a pretty great summary! It's intriguing, and I can't wait to start reading the book.

Character Building: 4.4/5

      Okay, so you have some amazing characters! Raven was amazing as the protagonist and the reader's first impression was written perfectly. Her relationship with Tilt (loved the name), was beautiful at the start. His death was unexpectable and Drake's personality was clear to the reader. The introduction to Matias was also fantastic. Wonderful job there!

There were a few parts that I felt could have been edited some, however. First of all, I'd like to talk about the DNA test in the hospital. At the time that happened, Matias was beginning to grow on Raven. He knew that Tilt and Raven loved each other, so I would just suggest making that clear to him. It would have made more sense if he hesitated more to tell her since her outcome would have been unpredictable.

To explain this more, I'll be talking about his expression when Tilt was about to propose to Raven. Did Matias seem jealous at all, or was it covered up so she didn't see it? Since Tilt ends up being his brother, did that bother him and his relationship with Raven? I would suggest that you include more information about how much Matias cared about her in this particular scene.

The only other part that I wanted to mention was the descriptions of the characters in chapter three. I thought you introduced these very well. There were facial features, personalities, and other detailed descriptions. Now, this was definitely one of those parts that could have been even with the pace of your story. There was quite a bit of information for the reader, and that made it slow down the pace. To fix this, I'd like to give a few examples.