Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Elysia: Mind Reader

Title: Mind Reader 

Author: PenWriter16

Reviewer: ScarredHeroes

Description + Book Cover: 2.5/5

Your book cover is appropriate and average, allowing people to relate your book's genre with the cover. But, in order for your book to stand out, you can put in just a little bit more effort to create a more personalised book cover that intrigues people.

Many people don't judge a book by its cover, but a random image with the title slapped onto it does not seem catchy and will fail to impress people. This is not in your case, but to prevent being thrown into such category, it is imperative for you to try making alternate book covers or find people on Wattpad who can make such covers for you.

On the lines of description, it seemed blunt and almost bleak. You've merely introduced Denise Easton, her clairvoyance and an unlucky life that seems to indulge into danger.

For example: 

Life's hard, especially when you're the world's most unsuccessful psychic. Denise Easton is gifted. She's a mind reader, clairvoyant and has the power of persuasion on her side. But yet so unsuccessful in her psychic business. She's about to give up until someone comes seeking help for their lost friend.

Rephrase this: 

Denise Easton is gifted. A mind reader, clairvoyant and armed with the power of persuasion.

But that's not enough for becoming successful in the battle of the psychic business. When all fails to go her way, she's on the verge on giving up.

Until a young girl comes seeking help for her lost friend.

A promise of mystery, danger and unraveling secrets, Denise has to rely on her powers and instinct.

Because everything including her life and business is on the line.

By bringing spacing between lines to enhance the dramatic sense, it gives your description the power of intriguing the readers to read your book almost immediately. Rephrasing is very powerful, especially for fantasy and mystery novels.

Grammar + Punctuation: 3/5

Unnecessary words. For example, the first paragraph: 

I closed my eyes and clutched the picture of the white Persian cat tightly. I cleared my mind and tried to concentrate. I kept envisioning the image of the cat repeatedly until I found a clear picture.

I kept envisioning the image of the cat repeatedly'- 'Repeatedly' is not necessary since 'kept envisioning' itself allows the reader to learn that the action is done persistently.

But with editing and thorough reading, this issue can be resolved. Expanding your vocabulary by using alternatives in the right manner can help you avoid this.

Writing Style: 2.5/5

Overall, I liked the way you write. But there are some deep loopholes that makes your book appear to be written vapidly. 

Phrasing is the biggest flaw in your book. Almost every line needs to be looked over and be re written. I've spilt the two types of rephrasing that you must do-