Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Faye: No Blessed

Title: No Blessed

Author: NuminousAuthor

Reviewer: Fayesther

Disclaimer: This review may not seem as detailed as my last few. This is because this story is at its starting stage with only five chapters to look at. That being said I hope you find my feedback helpful.

Title + Cover: 5/5

The title is simple and effective. It grabbed my attention with its seemingly ominous undertones.

I adore the cover! A good use of colour! I love the smoky aesthetic and the anime style knights emerging from the colour sets an intriguing tone to your book. Beautiful! I also love the font used for the title, it fits the rest of the cover really well. Definitely getting full marks from me in this section!

Description: 4.5/5

Gripping, straight forward, setting up the premise very well to intrigue the reader without giving away too much. A fantastic description!

I do not think you need to have the warnings there. You don't want to in any way put possible future readers off. The description is your opportunity to sell your work to the reader. I think the warnings may hinder that.

Grammar: 4.5/5

We're off to a great start with grammar! You clearly know what you are doing! No recurring problems at all. Any errors made are obviously typos that you have overlooked. I tried my best to pinpoint them as I read. There were not a lot!

One to mention in here was found in chapter two; you accidently swapped tenses.

"thick mucus dripping from its mouth."- this is written in present tense. However, your story is narrated in past tense. Writing "dripped" instead would fit much better.

Characterisation: 5/5

In the first couple of chapters there is not a lot of back story in place for the reader to fully get the grips of your main character- Mikel. However, you have dropped subtle moments of character exposition throughout the five chapters and I found myself routing for him more and more as the story unfolds.

Mikel is a vulnerable yet confrontational individual, so far, which makes him very relatable. He came across as quite dry at times, which I liked very much. His reactions and interactions with others were very believable.

Sean is just awful, what a coward and devilish man! How he sees other human beings (volunteers) as dispensable is just horrible! His character is written incredibly well! The fact that I got so mad with him shows a great skill in character writing. Great job!

Thelma as a comic relief character was a great addition, so funny and likeable. She fits in the story well, giving more depth to the rich tapestry of this story.

Plot: 5/5

The first sentence of chapter one grabbed my attention straight away. With a dark mystery to kick things off. "No Blessed" is a story full of intriguing ideas that are so gripping, I couldn't put the book down!

The transition between the "real" world and the world of the game is communicated incredibly well. The fact that Mikel gets slowly introduced into the madness makes it easier for the reader (who is also being dragged into this crazy world) to be fully submerged into the fantasy.

Once chapter three kicks in the story begins to really soar. Packed full of fascinating ideas that are described in such a skilled way that even I (not a gamer) can get on board with it. Great work!

Writing Style: 5/5

You have a very enjoyable writing style. Your story is easy to follow. With a very good pace.

You are a subtle writer- you gradually build up the picture by spoon feeding small details bit by bit. This is a really effective way to bring the reader to your level. For, if you were to give away too much information at once in a story like this, you could easily switch off the reader through it being too overwhelming.

You have written a great balance of action and dialogue. When I read stories I like it when I can easily picture it in my mind- as if I am watching a film in my head! How you communicated your story made me be able to do just that!

The monster in chapter two is so well described I could picture it vividly in my mind. Mikel's reaction helped to build on that picture. Fab work!

The intricate changes to your language once Mikel enters "No Blessed" really helped get across that he's got completely different surroundings and the scenes are set in another era. Adding him waking up thinking he's back in the real world for a split second was a really good way to portray his perspective in the situation he is in.

OVERALL SCORE: 29/30

I know you asked me to be as brutal as I can. But what I have written here is my non-sugar-coated, honest feedback! What can I say? You've impressed me. I cannot wait to find out more about Mikel and what he is going to experience within his mad journey! My only piece of advice I would like to give to you is don't sell yourself short! The chapters did not seem at all long because they're so well written! I didn't want to stop reading! And as for gore? Bring it on!