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Review by Jacob: Stumbling Forward

Title: Stumbling Forward

Author: YeetleBeetle

Reviewer: The_Pretence

Blurb:

A blurb always has to have four parts: a character, an aim, something at stake and a setting. The blurb for Stumbling Forward, while fills two blanks, the other two and might I add, the most important two—aim and stake—are missing. If I consider only the element of surprise in the blurb, with Kai waking up in a mysterious land of people generating air, water, fire, from their palms, the idea of this world is 'dream' like—can only be ascertained if Kai is shown to be someone from our normal, boring, 21st Century. The world–swap does intrigue me a bit, but not enough to bother about reading the actual book. As a correction method, two steps you can follow are to include an aim and a stake. It could be something as simple and funny as Kai is a university student, and he has to submit his assignment the next day, which means he must get out of this weird place or risk failing this semester. Can our brave, nerdy hero figure out how he would end up in this strange world, find a way out and submit his assignment? Before that, will he ever be able to get out? Or something of the sort, but an aim and a stake, because without that, given to the idea of people generating wind and fire and water from their bodies, this could fall under the large red banner of 'Fantasy books,' where hundreds and thousands of books are waiting to be read. For a plus point, the sound of simplicity in the blurb is exceptionally intriguing to me. The other thing that I liked is the hinting that something terrible will happen to Kai, who has ended up in the desert, will also faint of fright and land in an even frightening, foreign place.

Cover: 

Too many colours, too less focus on the 'fantasy' aspect. Kai is the hero, understandable. But, but, but—sole heroes are also present in books of the general fiction genre. Confusion between the two can lead to a severe loss ofreaders.

First Line: 

First lines are 'the' hook. No, no, no, not the catch of story—that one line which can make or mar your book. A good opening line/first line doesn't have to have someone giving a grand speech on life and death or dialogue, in general. It can be as simple as 'this is not Earth, and I'm probably dead' (considering Kai's case). It should give us a quick insight than your blurb on what we (as in the hero) are dealing with within the story. The opening sentence for Stumbling Forward has the sense of something terrible happening to the world of the hero or the fictional world of the book. Still, on a general level search, you can perhaps find at least a dozen books with the same sense of 'curses' in the opening lines. Something that isn't merely someone cursing will be an excellent correction, I believe.

First Chapter: 

Alright. First chapters are as crucial as opening lines, so my first conclusion to the first chapter was—Kai is someone from the military and speaks a hell lot—to himself. I'll accept that I'm intrigued by Kai's way of thinking and estimating the situation around himself. He is sceptical about the idea of 'different world,' which surely is going to add the comical element and his stubbornness to believe that he is just in a coma is fun to read. So, as far as Kai goes, he has the feature of interest. He doesn't act 'overly' excited about the idea of a fantasy world, or afterlife, or even the thought of death. He is the typical guy we can all relate to, in case we die and find ourselves back up in a desert. The desert itself is not'oh-hey-look-you're-in-a-different-world-so-everything-is-straight-out-of-Avatar-here' place, which is a plus point. Your descriptions of it easy to visualise the place, along with the fact that Kai tried eating something native to the setting. Thank you for not letting him eat the thing. From the start of the chapter to its end, Kai has supposedly spent three long days in the desert. Did he simply walk all this while? Did he find the oasis? Did he find any water? An average human being is incapable of surviving in a desert, of all places, without water for three long days, so that is something you might want to clarify. With that being said, there are certain aspects of your writing style that are taking away the flow of the chapter. [See Writing Style section forfurther comments on this.]