Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Alisha: Vishta

Title: Vishta

Author: praisyevermore

Reviewer: miaamigo

Initial thoughts: 

It's is an okay cover. The name is interesting. Blurb is attention catching. Seems like a printed book, not Wattpad. Wattpad books just have a different aura. This is a good point.

Plot: 

I like the idea and the concept. I do think it's unique.

Beautiful description of chess. You have a good balance between your characters and plot and neither dominate over another. This is pretty rare in stories. So, wonderful job on that.

Characters: 

The first thing I noticed is that you have a lot of characters. This is often not welcomed. However, you made sure to establish each character and state their importance to us which makes it easier to concentrate on the important characters. Your protagonist is also really well built. The only issue I faced is names. You had names that weren't normally used, which is okay, but when you have many characters as well, it's hard for readers to remember names of all of them.

Grammar/Word Choice/Sentence Formation: 

I think this is the only aspect I frowned upon. Bad grammar spoils the mood. Yours wasn't necessarily bad, but it could be better. I suggest you to get an editor who is experienced (there are quite a few editors out there who edit as you bring out chapters). I'll point out some mistakes here. Keep in mind there are more that I didn't show here.

Mistake (chap 1): 'Pull out her tongue if this little beast don't learn how to keep her mouth shut or keep her demon in chains in front of important guests.'

Correction: 'Pull out her tongue if this little beast DOESN'T learn how to keep her mouth shut or keep her demon in chains in front of important guests.

Change made: Consider changing don't for doesn't as it's the right form of the verb for this context.

Mistake (chap 1): 'Does the southern continent had a shortage of princes and lords in this vast land?'

Correction: 'Does the southern continent HAVE a shortage of princes and lords in this vast land?' or 'HAS the southern continent had a shortage of princes and lords in this vast land?'

Change made: Change either Does-->Has or change had-->have

Mistake (chap 1): Let me tell you a common fact that children younger than your age already knows.

Correction: Let me tell you a common fact that children younger than your age already know. 

Change made: knows-->know (children is plural. If it was child, then it would be know)

Mistake: Which does not mean that a lady passed the marrying age can't be desirable in other ways.

Correction: Which does that mean that a lady WHO HAS passed the age of marriage can't be desirable in other ways.

Change made: marrying age-->age of marriage (optional), the words 'who has' have been added.

Mistake (chap 1): You think bringing up my spouseless record you could trick me into forgetting something?

Correction: You think BY bringing up my spouseless record you could trick me into forgetting something.

Change made: The word 'by' has been added.

These are in fact just some of the major misatkes in chapter 1. I won't go into detail with the rest, but please get an editor. An editor will enhance the quality of your book by a huge degree.

Other aspects: 

1. Cover: I think the text is clearly visible and pretty, but it would've been much better if you could have Vishta from the front angle instead since she has different hair.

2. Blurb: The blurb is well written and attention seeking

3. Titles: Somebody pointed out that 'g' general needs to be small.

What you wrote: the General

What it should be: the general

In view of the same, I did a little research based on whether to capitalize or not for titles. This is what I found:

Capitalization: The general rule/ Civil, military, religious and professional titles are capitalized when they immediately precede a personal name and are thus used as part of the name

[Examples:] President Lincoln; the president, General Bradley; the general; Cardinal Newman; the cardinal Dean Mueller; the dean; Governors Edgar and Ryan; the governors

Exceptions exist, according to Chicago, but these primarily involve instances of direct address (Yes sir, Captain!") or formal introduction ("Ladies and Gentlemen, the Prime Minister").

Titles used as identification or clarification after a name normally are not capitalized.

[Examples:] Head Teacher Miss Dunn; Managing Director Anne Williams; the Prime Minister Mr. Gladstone, The Reverend Dr Primrose. 

But Oxford breaks with Chicago on the very point that the OP asks about:

Capitals are preferred, however, when a short-form mention of a title i used as synonym for a particular person, an organization in an institutional or official sense, or a government. 

[Relevant examples:] the Duke; the Princess, the Ministry (of Defence); the Centre's policy. 

So if you already introduced Commander Shepard earlier in a piece of writing, and you now wish to refer to the same person as "the Commander Oxford advises you to capitalize the C in Commander.

Which means as per Oxford, you can capitalize it only if you have Introduced the character will the title before, thus, you would have to put 'the'.

Please keep in mind that Chicago style is more prevalent. 

4. You seemed to have used difference pronouns at different instances at time for Kikuhara. Check up on that.

I hope this was helpful!