Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Hana: Stay With Me

Title: Stay With Me

Author: Apik_phail

Reviewer: LeafStorm924

Summary: 3.5/5

The summary does a good job introducing the main character and setting the scene and atmosphere for the story. It helps make the reader intrigued as to what will happen, and gives them a main idea of what the plot will be like. However, there are a few grammatical and capitalisation errors, as well as one little issue with sentence structure:

"Soon enough she finds herself in the middle of a crossroad. Torn between choosing her dying sister or choosing to save what's left of her family."

A better choice would be to replace the first full-stop with a dash, joining the two sentences into one.

The summary was also ended rather abruptly. Consider ending it with rhetorical questions questioning what Dana will do with her new client, or a statement on what will happen later on.

Apart from these slip-ups, this was an interesting summary that can prove effective in drawing in potential readers.

Grammar: 3.5/5

The grammar in the storychanges from past to present or vice versa a few times, and at times there'spunctuation left out, such as missing apostrophes. As an example, in the firstchapter, the very important line "Abeer was diagnosed leukaemia" might flowbetter if the phrase "diagnosed with leukaemia" was used instead. Thesemistakes may greatly affect one's reading experience, but it's nothing someproofreading won't fix.

Characterisation: 4/5

The characters, whilegeneric at first glance, all have vivid personalities. Dana, the maincharacter, is well-established as a sassy middle sibling, but also a hardworker. Abeer, her younger sister, is also very well-developed, perfectlyplaying the part of the cheeky, occasionally-annoying little sibling. Even sidecharacters like Sheril are memorable because of how they are written. However,like with the style (as seen below), there are some spelling and sentencestructure errors that prevent the characters from being written the best theycan be.

Writing Style: 3.5/5

The style has lots of potential, and it is hindered by some mistakes in sentence structure and word choice. For example, in the chapter "Stranger In Glasses", see this line:

"For a moment I expected a medusa like eyes to stare at me and turn me to stone for doing a sin as evil as being angry at him."

Perhaps a better way to write this would be:

"For a moment, I expected him to stare at me with Medusa's eyes and turn me to stone for the sin of being angry at him."

Other than that, the story clearly has a distinctive style that can only improve with time.

Plot: 4.5/5

  The pacing of this story is just right, and there are no big issues with the plot. Dana's day-to-day life is described in a way that is interesting to the reader, and the scenes all link together without contradicting and leaving plot holes. This will keep the reader interested and want to continue reading on. Keep it up!

OVERALL SCORE: 19/25

I quite liked story. It had a wide cast of interesting, relatable characters, an engaging plot and a unique style. However, grammar and structure mistakes were rather common, and they could prevent a reader from having a good reading experience. Of course, if these were corrected, this story would be even better and more enjoyable to read.