Title: Friendships and Other Disasters
Author: pour-me-some-liquor
Reviewer: Fayesther
Title + Cover: 5/5
I really like the title! It fits your story perfectly with a charming and humorous edge.
The cover is simple and aesthetically pleasing. The colours used set the tone beautifully and the title stands out nicely in a well chosen font. I have no qualms whatsoever for this section!
Good overall packaging! Awesome!
Description: 5/5
The description is wonderfully laid out and at the ideal length (if you've read any of my other reviews, you'll know I'm a fan of short and sweet descriptions).
You have given the reader a little taste in your writing style, introduced your two main characters and showcased your story's concept in a well managed display. You have given the reader the perfect amount of information to get them hooked in. Well done!
Grammar: 2/5
On the most part, your story was easy to follow. However, I had noticed a few issues here and there with your grammar that I would like to mention.
I noticed a few sentences where your choice of words don't let the story flow as nicely as it could.
An example of this is this sentence in Chapter 1:
"Listening his name, he gets up and turns around."
Swapping "listening" with "hearing" would make this sentence make more sense.
Your dialogue punctuation had some issues. In speech, if you include "he said", "she said", or any other speech tag, you need to put a comma before the closing speech marks, as that tab is part of the same sentence.
Example:
"Come on. Let's go. We have to get there before it gets dark." Dad says.
Edited:
"Come on. Let's go. We have to get there before it gets dark," Dad says.
Also, if the speech is followed by a pronoun, the pronoun needs a lower case letter, regardless of the punctuation used immediately before the closing speech marks ("I" being the exception).
Example:
"Yes, honey?" He replies.
Edited:
"Yes, honey?" he replies.
- A nit pick: Exclamation marks are a good addition to put in if your character is shouting or yelling.
Spelling out numbers looks nicer on the page, rather than using digits.
Careful when talking about single and plural objects. Make sure you remember to change the wording of your sentence to accommodate.
Examples:
(Singular)
"The hallway which are off-white in colour,"
Should be:
"The hallway which is off-white in colour,"
(Plural)
"The stairs thumps..."
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Sapphire's Review Store 3.0
Non-FictionSince both our first and second review stores have exceeded 200 chapters (with a grand total of 379 reviews published), I am opening up this third book to fit in all of our future reviews. Yay team! We are still OPEN to requests, however, this book...
