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Review by Kirsty: Cursed

Title: Cursed

Author: SNNair

Reviewer: CursedHobbit

Summary: 4/5

The blurb was interesting and gave *just* enough information to make a reader interested in reading the book. The summary could use a little grammar/spelling editing to make it perfect.

Grammar: 3/5

Overall, the grammar and word choice was good. In most chapters, I noticed some missing words, punctuation, or an occasional typo (i.e. using 'hair' instead of 'air'). However, after reading the sections over a couple of times, I could interpret what you meant. I think after an edit of your summary and first 9 chapters, this book will be perfect. Also, see "Redundancy" under writing style.

Character Building: 4/5

I loved Xavier's character. I wish he would have lasted longer in the story for me to know him better. Seraphina seems like a very interesting MC, and I would wager that she will become a very diverse character with a lot of depth. I have seen many characteristics from her that are appealing in MC's from my favorite stories. In general, I felt like the story was over "too quick", and I didn't learn a lot about other characters, such as the Drogonir parents, Lenox, and Anitha. I am hoping this will be addressed in the next chapters, if you choose to continue the story. I am also very curious about Kalmin and what his role will be in the rest of the story. I would also be interested to know more about why the Drogonir's decided to spare Seraphina's life when her two sisters were eliminated from birth. I think that would help readers understand more of why Sera's parents did what they did to her.

Writing Style: 3/5

Overall, I liked your descriptive writing style. I have a couple of improvement tips, should you choose to accept them:

1. Redundancy/Word choice. I noticed in a few sentences throughout the story that you would use a single word 2-3 times in a single sentence. It made the sentences seem a little confusing at times. For example, in chapter 8, there is a paragraph that says, "Your kind has pillaged and destroyed everything of my people under your father's orders, ignoring everything we have done to help you, but yet when you need help...we are supposed to drop everything to help you." You can always exchange "help" with a synonym or reword the sentence to state the same thing without using that word thrice. The third paragraph from the end of the prologue states "...black fire consumed the palace and almost led to the death of his family had he not taken the ultimate choice", which stuck out to me, as I usually hear the expression "ultimate sacrifice".

2. Spacing/Paragraphing. The spacing and paragraphing for some of these chapters seemed a bit odd. Readers using the mobile Wattpad app may stumble over the awkward breaks in some sentences or paragraphs. For example, in chapter 2, it looks like there is a paragraph break between this statement: "These are symbols of bravery and valor. Besides, I have seen you display these qualities far // more times than I can say for men." The break is confusing and didn't make sense in the dialogue. I noticed the paragraph spacing changed between chapters three and four, which would be an easy fix to make (just picking one or the other). Also, at the ends of some chapters, I noticed that you had a help author's note with definitions of the ancient language that the Drogonirs used. However, there was not any way to identify that it was an author's note (italics, bold, lines to separate it from the story, etc).

Plot + Originality: 4/5

I really enjoyed the uniqueness of your plot. Incorporating the otherworldly alien invasion into modern human society, as well as the Animalians, shifters, and sirens. I think you could definitely flesh out the differences between the groups of people a bit more to help readers understand that there are three (or more) distinct types of creatures and how to identify them. I would also like to know more about the "spirit animal" concept, which groups of people practice this tradition (the Drogonirs, the Anamalians, or everyone), and what the origins of the practice are. One point for improvement I would suggest would be the consistency in explaining the actual curse itself. The prologue alluded to something a bit different then what was portrayed in the following chapters. I think providing some context of the "greater power" that provided the original Drogonir, Darius, with power to defeat Drakkon would be helpful to readers. You can find more comments on the prologue in the "Comments" section. In general, I will admit that you have completed 9 chapters including a prologue, which means there is plenty of time for your story to develop and mature to answer some of the questions I had as a reader. You left the story on somewhat of a cliffhanger, and I am hoping that you choose to continue your work on Cursed!

OVERALL SCORE: 18/25

Prologue - I think the toughest part of this book to get through was the Prologue. Once I had gotten past that chapter, the following eight went by fairly easily. The prologue hinted at Drakkon's "parting gift" to Darius' descendants, but never specifically mentioned the effect only taking hold of the female children (which could have totally been intentional). I also think the prologue confused Darius with Damon...or it seems as if the prologue makes the reader believe that the story will follow Darius' children to his son's coronation. I am not sure if this was intended to hint that when Darius' daughter came of age, she turned into the Black Fire vessel and something happened at his own son's coronation or if this is meant to be about his descendant, Damon, and his children. It is also unclear as to whether the Black Fire vessel from Darius' family was his son or his daughter. It was explained later in the story that the curse was only placed upon the female children; which could have been an intentional decision on your end. What also did not make sense to me was the sentence that says, "Those afflicted with the curse never knew it was coming [until] it ravaged through like a hurricane", which makes me think the opposite of what was happening. To me, that statement means that all Drogonir children were allowed to live and that they didn't find out who had been cursed until they grew older, which is at odds with the plot. It is fairly possible that I am reading this in the wrong context, but I just wanted to point out the inconsistencies I noticed, as other readers may have similar thoughts.

I think Cursed shows a lot of promise, and as you continue to grow the plot, your story will become even greater than before.