Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Lina: What Matters Most

Title: What Matters Most

Author: SherePatrece

Reviewer: linalagosya

Summary: 3/5

I think your summary is well structured and isn't terrible, but there are a few things I think could work better. You start the summary off with Leigh, but this seems so much more like Chase's story, at least from when I can tell from the first 15 chapters. So I would recommend starting off your summary with Chase, and introduce Leigh after. The other thing is that the summary only seems to explain what happens before the story starts, what gets Leigh and Chase to Atlanta. It's okay to include some of the backstory for context, but we need to know what to expect from the story that's happening now. So I would suggest making those changes so readers know more about the storyline beyond the fact that they'll be romance. Since it's a romance story, that much is expected. 

Grammar: 2/5

There were two majorly consistent issues that were enough to really affect the read and make it challenging to read, to the point of not being able to understand the story sometimes. Beyond these two issues the grammar was mostly okay, but the two issues were enough to really distract me.

The first is the constantly switching between past and present tense. It's super jarring for a reader. Here's a few examples, just from one chapter, but it was consistent in every chapter. To the point that I actually don't know which you were going for. I'm going to assume past just for the same of this example.

From ch. 14

Something was up though, she looked pissed. "Hey, is everything ok?" Chase asks.

>> Something was up though, she looked pissed. "Hey, is everything ok?" Chase asked.

Leigh sits back in a huff like she is finished, but then starts again.

>> Leigh sat back in a huff like she was finished, but then started again.

That's just two examples from the chapter but there were probably about ten or fifteen more from that chapter alone.

The second big issue was the dialogue formatting. Sometimes the dialogue was done right and sometimes it was done incorrectly, so not sure if it's just a matter of not proofing correctly or if you're not fully aware of how to format properly. Here are some of the errors so you can get a sense of how to do it properly:

From ch. 14 (and I'm also going to adjust the tenses here as well.

When using a question mark, you don't need to include the comma.

"Am I still invited to watch the game with you tonight,?" Leigh asks.

>> "Am I still invited to watch the game with you tonight?" Leigh asked.

When the same person is talking, you do not split up the paragraphs.

"I'm sure I'm overreacting but Christopher was supposed to call me today after his shoot, and he still hasn't called me."

"I'm not one of those clingy girls that expect..."

>> "I'm sure I'm overreacting but Christopher was supposed to call me today after his shoot, and he still hasn't called me. I'm not one of those clingy girls that expect...."

Make sure to separate the dialogue from the tag with appropriate punctuation and quotations marks.

"It's fine it's just beer, it will wash out Leigh said laughing. I better get home and get cleaned up," she says.