Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Lina: The Eye

Title: The Eye

Author: CursedHobbit

Reviewer: linalagosya

Summary: 3/5

The summary has a good hook. You ask some intriguing questions and hint at some of the characters and what kind of journey they will be on. There is a bit of humor to the summary, which hints at the tone of the book, which is nice. However, I think speaking to the reader in the first portion of the blurb and then speaking in your own POV in the second portion doesn't quite work. I'd rather read, in third person, about who the character I'll be following is, what world they are in, and what kind of conflict they are going to face. If you can do that while keeping the humorous tone, I think readers will be even more intrigued.

Grammar: 2.5/5

Okay, so, for the most part, there weren't an egregious amount of different errors here. However, the errors you do make are consistent and make the read really challenging overall. The biggest issue is the paragraph breaks. All of the writing is in big paragraph chunks that need to be broken up into much smaller bits. This is true overall, but particularly with the dialogue. It's really hard to tell who is talking when all of it is smashed together like it is. So take just a piece of the last paragraph of your most recent chapter. It should be:

"OH MY GOD, EVA! THIS IS GREAT!! I am SO happy for you! I am SO excited! When can we meet them?"

Eva then glances my way briefly before looking back towards Raven. "You have already met him. It's Scott."

At the mention of Scott, Raven's smile droops. As she begins mentally processing this new development, she begins to sit back down. "How is that possible? A human? The Light Elf Princess' soulmate is... a human?"

Nobody says anything for a few seconds, and then it's like a fuse of understanding has been lit.

That's just one example of how to break up your paragraphs. I would recommend looking closely at a book you really enjoy and have read before. Not a wattpad book, maybe like Harry Potter or something like that. Read it just looking at where the paragraph breaks are. That will help a lot.

The other main issue is that the story switches between past and present tense really frequently. A part of that is due to the writing style, which I'll cover in that section, but the tenses should be kept consistent to make for a smooth read.

That said, on a basic level of sentence structure, this story has very little errors. It's just a matter of breaking up the paragraphs and working on keeping the tense consistent. That will make the read much more enjoyable. It will also probably help you get more readers, as many readers on Wattpad will see the long paragraphs and then not read it.

Character Building: 3.5/5

I think the protagonist is really well portrayed. I like how she described herself and her metaphor about being the more plain car compared to her friends. I love that she has two best friends that she feels less than, both in looks and status. That conflict is really nice. Her struggles with money and not having as much as her friends or always having to stay behind to work instead of go to fun parties, all of that was really relatable. I was excited for Minnie to go to college and really come into her own. I'm rooting for her to find her own path, as you've set it up.