Title: The Spectacular
Author: Anniesbay
Reviewer: ScarredHeroes
Description + Cover: 3.5/5
Your book cover was absolutely gorgeous! I revelled in the overall design and it felt really professional.
As for your description, it was formidable. It gave a clear idea on what readers will expect your book to be.
But that's not enough. Your description has to be equal to your cover, because right after your cover, readers will turn to your description. Making your description more dramatic and demanding the attention of the readers, it must be engaging, giving a taste of what your story is.
For example:
The Trinity girls are a mysterious lot.
Every day at noon, standing in the middle of the town square, they hand out flyers to a church no one will attend.
Under a dare, delinquent high schooler Simian dares to pick a pamphlet.
Scribbled, in a tiny font at the very back -
"Help"
Instead:
The Trinity girls are not liked in the quaint country villa. They're a mystery people don't like, and nor do they care about it.
Every noon, they stand in the middle of the town square to hand out flyers to a church that no one attends.
Until high schooler Simian picks it up a pamphlet. A delinquent, taking up a bet to date one of the trinity girls- Violet.
Everything seems cliché until it isn't. The pamphlet Simian carries, holds a message scribbled in tiny letters:
"Help."
And he happens to take notice of it.
Look, the essence of mystery is drama, secrets and unveiling it melodramatically. Nothing can be too dramatic when it comes to writing mystery.
Grammar + Punctuation: 4/5
I had no problem with punctation and spacing, you've executed it perfectly. I was impressed by the appropriate style of your spacing.
As for grammar, there's nothing much you've spelled wrong. But, I would recommend you to not use 'lol' or any form of speaking dialect. I suggest you should incorporate a few more words that could replace the standard words.
When the rescue mission turns fatal, Simian becomes public enemy number one. With no one to believe his version of that fateful night, Simian finds himself on a mission he never expected - saving his town.
Minor corrections like the highlighted words-' becomes the public's number one enemy.'
Writing Style: 2.5/5
Even though your format is pretty good, your writing is bleak. You have a direction, but moving forward onto the story, you've not taken time to establish your characters.
You have to be more specific in explaining your settings, the characters and everyone else. I found it pretty unnerving as I could not grasp the basic character qualities.
Let me specify, for example:
As a blazing summer rages through the small town, Simian and his crew of delinquent city slickers, spend most of their long, humid days up to no good.
Drawn into the secret mysteries of the Trinity group, Simian purposes to rescue Violet from the clutches of the man Trinity calls Leader.
You gave a good impression of Simian and his crew to be, 'delinquents' aka, people who don't really care about rules or feelings and you've mentioned about how they don't do much.
So, why does he propose to rescue Violet? You've not made it clear, and it baffles me. Is he actually interested in her? Does he relate to her, so he wants to help?
Second, your whole story jumps in too quickly. Too fast for me, to process every character even though I've read them in a short time span. Allow your story to settle, and then proceed to take the story for a ride.
Give the readers a sample of what life Simian leads, you've initiated it but haven't really gone through deep enough for me to comprehend.
Third, Simian's life is introduced and then you pop out so many questions, regarding his dad, mom and the rest of his family. For a mystery novel, don't make the reader question the character's life immediately. This will end up stealing the spotlight from the plot.
Also, personalise your characters, give them their own voice. Have a rough idea of your beginning, middle and end sketched out so that you can use it as a base which you could build on.
Characterisation: 2.5/5
Since the whole writing part requires to be edited there is not much for me to comment on.
I've been really baffled of the whole Simian and gang. I didn't really understand their dynamic and I'm not ready to judge them as of now.
As for the trinity girls, I kind of like Violet. The same goes for her; you haven't really established any sort of trait apart from them generally being termed as 'weird'.
Plot + Originality: 4.5/5
Everything aside, this is actually an intriguing story I would vote a thousand times on after the flaws are corrected. With some more reading, writing and learning, I think this has the potential to be a masterpiece!
The plot is very engaging, I love how you've chosen your settings and the whole 'delinquent saves the town' is really good.
P.S. I hope you request for a review after you've incorporated the changes, I feel like I could give you more tips and help you out!
OVERALL SCORE: 17/25
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