Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Addie: Until The Very End

Title: Until The Very End 

Author: Tricky_minds

Reviewer: Addison-AJ

Summary: 3.5/5

Okay, so your summary tells the reader about the two main characters. It describes their personalities, the war, and really shows how different they are. Let's take a look at it in detail! So in the beginning, you have two sentences that intrigued the reader. Well done there! It's the perfect introduction to the rest of the description. As for the second paragraph, it focused on the main ideas that relate to Draco. The only thing is that there could have been more detail to describe him better.

Even if it was just a few sentences, I feel like the reader would have a better idea of what he's like. How did the war 'destroy him in the worst way possible?' And if not that, then maybe even more descriptions of the emotions that it brought. That might make it more impactful for the reader. Also, one small mistake that I found here was that deatheater should be two different words: death eater. Plus, make sure that the word 'Slytherin' is capitalized. That's very minor, though! Other than that, I thought you described Draco pretty well. I had a good idea of his personality, but more detail would have been amazing.

For the last two paragraphs, you did a great job of making sure there were interesting questions for the reader to think about. The only thing I would suggest working on a little is the pace. In the beginning, it was perfect. It didn't seem rushed or too slow. However, for the questions at the end, it did seem faster than before. I encourage you to add more detail here to even it out. Perhaps a few sentences that describe Hermione more in detail?

The last question that you included was interesting. It took two very different stories and combined them together. One small grammar mistake that I found was that 'Draco' was spelled 'Drace.' Overall, you've written a fantastic description! Just remember that more detail will pull the reader in more. And make sure to take a look at the pace closer to the end. Otherwise, well done!

Character Building: 4.4/5

The characters have been amazing so far. I love how different Draco and Hermione are. The descriptions of his depression are perfect. Hermione is also just as amazing, and you've done a great job! The only thing I would suggest adding more of is detail. She's supposed to be the brightest witch of her age (even though this is a fanfiction, there could be more connections to her past). It doesn't have to be too specific, but maybe even something like her thinking about the answers to questions.

As for Draco, like I said, I cannot emphasize how awesome you've done. He acts just like Draco! I can imagine him after the war, and you've taken that and made an outstanding story. It's a spin on the classic rude, mean, arrogant Draco that I know. I love it so much, and it contrasts so much with Hermione. Well done with both of them!

The other minor characters are pretty great as well. Harry and Ron haven't appeared as much so far. They both seem quite similar, though. I didn't notice many differences, and I would just suggest that they don't seem too similar at times. Try and include at least a little more variety between the two, or make it very clear to the reader. That way, they won't seem identical sometimes. An example would be when they both say they will write a letter to Hermione every day. Maybe some more variation here would be nice.

Neville, Ginny, and Luna were also amazing. I loved how many similarities you included, but it might be a good idea to add some more differences. Even if it's just a few small ones, I think it might do a lot for your story. For example, is Luna still more distracted from what happens in real life? What is Ginny like now? Try and add some more about these questions for the reader, if you'd like! It would make the characters more intriguing to follow.