Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Joanna: The Huntress

Title: The Huntress

Author: FmEver

Reviewer: joanna388

Cover/Blurb: 8/10

I love your cover! It gives a mysterious vibe and kind of makes me feel like there will be a lot of chaos in this book (in a good way).

Your blurb is also good, though I think it will be better if you add a little more about your character. Was her life always like that? Since she chose to leave everything behind for the sake of a normal life, how is that going?

You don't have to nor should add too much about it, just a little bit more information to give the reader a semi-clear image about her.

Intro: 4/5

I like the description in your intro, but there's a 'now' in the first sentence that isn't needed and is incorrect since you're writing in the past tense.

'Now' can be used in past tense but it always depends on how you use it.

Plot + Originality: 8/10

There are a lot of werewolf books out there, but not many quite like yours.

I like the plot you've built; one can really tell you've put thought into creating everything. I like the magic especially, since there was so much going on there! I think you developed that part more than anything else, and I just love to learn about all the different artifacts, stones, necklaces, or anything else magical I've read so far.

There's just something in your book that makes me really interested in learning what happens next.

Bottom line, the plot isn't the same boring cliché we keep reading nowadays. Nice job!

Grammar + Punctuation: 9/20

In your second paragraph, consider changing your first sentence to 'Laurel was no exception', I think it sounds a little better. Also, the correct grammar is 'awakened'.

"I can't Ash. Lately I have some troubles with my sleep and I need some rest. But Sara can go with you," said Laurel and smiled to Sara.

First of all, there should be a comma before the name, but that will be explained further in dialogue. Since you're writing in past tense 'Lately I've been having some trouble with sleeping and need some rest' would be the correct grammar.

'Her name was Laurel Creed and this is her story.'

'Was her story' would be better here since it's in past tense.

Towards= toward

"I told you, I'm stressed for the paper. No need to worry," she said and tried to comfort her friend.

For this one, 'I'm stressed about my paper' would be correct. I've also noticed that you connect your sentences using 'and' a lot, which makes it a little tiring at times, as well as using the 'friend' word. Here, for example, you could have said 'she said, trying to comfort her.' Try to refrain from repeating yourself too much.

I suggest studying a little more about both grammar and punctuation, though you seem to need a little more work on grammar and sentence structure. You can search that online, it's great help when writing!

Writing Style: 3/10

"Sara must have been home," she thought and hurried to their dorm.