Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Joanna: Paint Me a Heart

Title: Paint Me a Heart

Author: Superovkata

Reviewer: joanna388

Cover/Blurb: 4/10

I'd like to start by saying that I absolutely love the colors on your cover. They are vibrant and eye-catching, which is the whole point of a cover, but—I do have to mention that at first I honestly thought it was going to be a collection of your artwork. Consider changing it with something closer to your story. I remember, for example, a scene where your main character tried to push away Thomas, and she left a handprint of paint on his shirt. Add to that your big, visible title and you're all set.

I'll be honest here; I think you can do a lot better with the blurb. While the cover is the first thing that pulls a reader in, your description will be coming right after that. Meaning—if they aren't particularly excited, or intrigued, by the plot, they might start wondering if they actually want to start reading; hence the importance of writing a good blurb.

You don't mention enough about your main character, nor are you really explaining what the story will be about. Yes, it's a romance, but what else is happening? Where's the juice? Write about their personalities a little, show us what we're in for if we start reading, and add something to intrigue us.

Not much, we want to read and find out, just that tiny bit of information that piques our interest. More importantly, make the reader question what exactly is happening to your main character. She likes to paint, and there comes a boy with a taste in music. Is she trying really hard to get into an art school? Maybe something happened in the past that makes her want to push him away, what is it?

Make your readers question what you've written enough to tap on that 'read' button and find out for themselves.

Intro: 3/5

I'm glad you didn't choose to start with the classic: alarm clock blaring, girl wakes up, then proceeds to look in a mirror and describe how she looks.

It starts with her literally laying on the ground, covered with leaves! That made me think: "what's happening here?" So I narrowed my eyes and kept reading. You had my attention right there; I just had to find out what exactly led to it!

I'd suggest using a comma at first, to connect the 'Here I am' with the rest of the paragraph, but that also has to do with the writing style so—nice start!

There is a typo there though, (leafs=> leaves), that caught my eye. It messed with the fluency a little, so be a little more careful while writing.

Plot + Originality: 3/10

While I read the twelve chapters you published, I feel like I haven't really gotten to see enough of what's happening yet. All I saw was that she really likes to paint, and she meets a boy who likes to sing and play the guitar.

Boom! It's a match.

I'd like to read more about her life. Learn about her hopes, her dreams for the future. I just see a girl getting to meet a boy here, which of course is the center of the plot, but there isn't much else. Put yourself in her shoes and write about all the other wonderful things she thinks about. Don't just center all her thoughts around a boy, it brings it down in terms of realism.

There was also that "you are mine" bomb thrown at some point, and to say I was surprised would be an understatement.

It's way too early for something like that, and it makes the whole situation very unrealistic. So, if you're not writing a werewolf/mate novel, please consider slowing down a little.