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Review by Elysia: If I Should Fall

Title: If I Should Fall

Author: Goldenfoxx

Reviewer: ScarredHeroes

Grammar + Punctuation: 1.5/5

- The switching of your character point of view right from the beginning prevented me from understanding the in-depths of your MC- Annabelle Orsov. It made it difficult for me to comprehend as the story progresses.

-A lot of spacing in between dialogues. It made your story look messy.

For eg: The third paragraph in the first chapter-

I had heard that name a hundred times before. At FoxWood he was basically the closest thing we had to a celebrity. Good at sports, good with teachers.....good with people. And so naturally, he got the lead role...and I was left staring at the cast list crudely taped to the wall. I sighed heavily, my heart still beating like a bullet through my skin. I wasn't going to cry...no.... I wasn't going to. This wasn't going to get to me. I wasn't going to get it.....

What I'm trying to say: 

I had heard that name a hundred times before.

At FoxWood, he was basically the closest thing we had to a celebrity. Good at sports, good with teachers...good with people. Naturally, he got the lead role... and I?

I was left staring at the cast list cruelly taped to the wall. I sighed heavily, my heart beating like bullet through my skin. But I wasn't going to cry...no...

I wasn't going to. This wasn't going to get to me. I wasn't going to let it...

This allows you to emphasise what your character is feeling without requiring any extra words. The question mark at the end of I allows readers to feel her sadness as she states her plight in the following sentence-

I was left staring at the cast list cruelly taped to the wall. I sighed heavily, my heart beating like bullet through my skin. But I wasn't going to cry...no...

- Also, I didn't understand this phrase- my heart beating like bullet through my skin

- And the next thing I was confused about was your character's inner monologues, as they are placed along with description of what your character sees or lives through in a situation.

Writing Style: 2/5

First, the point of me giving this score is because I didn't find any kind of description of the situations your character falls prey to. Your story lacked any form of 'story-telling' aka; telling your readers a story you created.

I have no solid background of any of your character's description- their family, their siblings, their friends? Apart from T.

Your style of writing - you need to discover it. Whether you're a first POV or third POV writer, a dramatic usage of words or more of poetic wordings, your type of narration; everything is bleak, which is good because you're learning.

You've begun to take interest. And that's one big step in the field of writing.

I also find you forcing too much in too little time.

Give your characters time to evolve and reveal themselves slowly, layer by layer, as they fight the obstacles you plant. This gives you time to decide how crazy, dumb, stereotypical...etc you chose your character to be.

Characterisation: 2/5

A steady character arc brings out your story to the spotlight.

I didn't understand any of your characters completely

But, from what I've managed to picture, there are some issues with the characters.

Annabelle- the closest to the normal teenage girl. But why is she about to cry when she is confronted by Ebony?

If she is meek, then why was she courageous around Xavier? If she is courageous before him, what's the reason?

Ebony- I like how different Ebony is -- she's crazy and mean, and though I don't know why, but I like her. But somehow, she doesn't resonate much. I wasn't able to grasp the whole 'soap opera' drama her family is.

Xavier- Everybody's bad boy. But apart from falling for Annabelle, I'm not able to grasp his arc properly.

Abbott- The guy who's entered Ebony's life. His mood swings from being mean to Ebony to saying that he wants to eat ice-cream with her, baffles me a lot.

This incomplete character arc is because you're not personal with your creation. You're being too 'on-point' with your writing and it's not bad. But such crucial mistakes can be fixed.

Plot + Originality: 2.5/5

Plot wise, I have one big question.

What about the musical? How can Annabelle give up something so easily, something she's yearned to do for years.. so easily?

I enjoy fluff and coming of age books that are romantic and cliche. 

But somewhere along the lines of eager story writing and using ideas that are vague, your book is floating peacefully. With all the loopholes and errors that can be fixed with more years or writing, your book will be another wonder of cute fluff that people can enjoy reading when they're down.

Descriptive writing, in-depth analysis of your characters and learning more about writing and the skills, I really think your potential can be shaped into something great and refreshing. 

OVERALL SCORE: 8/20

Love the book cover!

Also, don't be afraid to add personal experiences, hilarious situations, explore different ideas and incorporate them into your book. Everything that you think of- the twists, turns, fire and storm... It's yours! So step out and discover something new that people haven't read in the normal teen fiction genre... Make them gasp!