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Review by Sunshine: Bribe Me

Title: Bribe Me

Author: thegapinthedoor

Reviewer: ray_of_sunshine9

Summary: 4/5

A very compelling summary! I like how you introduce Laura and the perfect amount of context underpinning her role in the story, as well as Charlie's – and I think the language you employ is fun, gripping, and resonates well with your genre. The final line about being a billionaire story, but being different, is snappy, bold, and intriguing.

I do wish, of course, that there was more. I want to know why he's here to kill her career, or how. I want to know what this deal with the devil is. I want to know how it's different to all those billionaire stories.

Nonetheless, even if you choose not to flesh this out, this is definitely a gripping summary that would reel in readers. So well done!

Grammar: 5/5

I think this is the first time in a long time that I've scored a perfect score here! I was very, very impressed with this section – I didn't catch a single slip throughout your chapters. Everything was polished and fluent to read, so once again, really, really great work! There was only an instance or two that I thought could have been phrased a bit better, such as:

She glanced away from the road and eyed as Charlie battled discomfort.

Usually, when you 'eye', it's followed by a name or location that is being stared at so that it's more cohesive to read. I suggest:

She glanced away from the road and eyed Charlie as he battled discomfort.

Characterisation: 5/5

Wow, your characters leave an impact.

I adore Laura. Like, immediately, even though she's not a first-person narrator, the narration itself is full of her personality – that dry, cutting sarcasm, the mischief, the strong, judgemental but very intellectual way she compares businessmen to cavemen. She is bold, daring and incredibly fun to read about; when she forced Charlie to ride in her humble Audi because she loved the way he squirmed (because it was less than a Tesla), I was cackling.

And not only does she show that she's a fighter, but I admire how you show her intellect and wit. She's always five steps ahead – getting Sophia to sign the contract a day before Charlie even knows there is a contract. You show her emotions incredibly well, like the way you described that ugly feeling of jealousy that gnawed at her heart when she sees Charlie with some pretty lady (at the party with Alan) was a great way to show how her thoughts and feelings are gradually beginning to change.

As for our golden boy himself – he is very charismatic, indeed, but it was nice to se those hints of shyness he showed when meeting Sophia. He does show to be a good guy that we can like despite the first impressing; after all, his apology for barging in and making it sound like Laura's job is 'easy' was very sincere. He's surrounded by intrigue and mystery (did he join a gang? An extremist group? The Cambodia mafia?), but when he made that tea for her, her won my heart over.

Very good job! You have complex, loveable characters.

Writing Style: 5/5

Once again, I have no complaints here. Your writing is brilliant, polished, and perfectly attuned to the genre you are writing for.

I was instantly hooked by your writing, if I'm honest. I was in love with the descriptions and how much personality they carried – it was very original and clever to hear you describe the club, showing us how it was heaving with the weight of bodies and bad decisions. Those little quips of humour add so much personality and intrigue to the writing, and I commend you for doing it in a polished and subtle way.

You also have clever, humorous moments with metaphors and misdirection – don't get me started on the beginning of chapter five, where she's hitting the punching bag, but you framed it so that the reader most definitely had other things in mind when we first started reading it. It really keeps the reader on our toes!

So, overall, excellent work here.

Plot + Originality: 5/5

This has been so much fun to follow so far! Every chapter leads seamlessly into the next, and with such phenomenal writing and characterisation, it's hard not to be latched onto every word. Additionally, you show a lot of care and sensitivity in your understanding of the business world, and that's something you deserve plenty of credit for – well done!

Our two, Laura and Charlie, start with despising each other but working towards a common goal, which is such a fun trope. It shows a good amount of room for development too – they have to learn about putting prejudices aside, and considering the fact that we later on learn that he used to resent her (I love that she was going to be CEO anyways!), the place where your story ends feels very complete and whole in that the pair have come together despite their initial disagreements.

Also, they made such a dynamic duo even when they weren't together. Seeing them work in a fun and sneaky way, lowkey using wine to get that business with Alan potentially being more eager to sign those contracts based on how many goblets of wine he's drank – the whole story has been full of fun moments that have just had me smiling to myself the whole way through.

Also, loved the progression of events that happened once Charlie's fiancé – Celene Langford – came along! So many twists that came with that, like Celene cheating with Jack (but Charlie being very much aware), and her being pulled to Flaco with a bribe. On top of that, it thickens when Jack offers her that role as a future director instead – because now we test Laura's loyalties.

Anyways, with Celene and Charlie calling off their engagement (or getting divorced, if we want that dramatic ring), things are getting very heated with Laura and Charlie. And now we're about to hear from him about his past, which is very exciting and seems like a grand turning point – so consider me excited! Best of luck with the rest of your story!

OVERALL SCORE: 24/25

Overall, a fantastic story full of charm and personality – I really can't wait to see where you take this. Best of luck with the rest of your story, and I hope this review helped.