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Review by Faye: An Exquisite Empress

Title: An Exquisite Empress

Author: itsryselle

Reviewer: Fayesther

Title + Cover: 4.5/5

The title is intriguing and caught my interest straight away. I cannot fault it in any way! Well done!

I love your cover picture! It is colourful and exciting to look at. The font choice is clear and well chosen. I do think that the title of the book could be a bit bigger so that it stands out more but that is just a small nit pick. 

Blurb: 5/5

Short and sweet, a well written hook into the story. It doesn't give away too much, but enough to grab the reader's attention.

Grammar: 2/5

As I read, your grammar, at the most part, was fine. However, I did come across some issues. I commented on some as I read, I hope that was a help. I also wanted to bring a few to your attention here.

I noticed that there was missing punctuation in your speech.

An example is: "My Empress, we should be returning to the palace soon"

When writing speech you need closing punctuation as well as the closing speech marks. In this example a full-stop would suffice as there is no speech tag (i.e. he said) added to the speech.

Edit: "My Empress, we should be returning to the palace soon."

If you were to add a tag you would need to close the speech with a comma as well as closing speech marks.

Example: "She's unconcious. I placed her underneath a tree with a blanket on. She doesn't have any wounds" He answered.

Edit: "She's unconscious. I placed her underneath a tree with a blanket on. She doesn't have any wounds," he answered.

However, you did remember to add appropriate punctuation to speech where your characters are asking questions or exclaiming something, which was good work.

Also, when writing a character's reaction to something that is said, it would benefit the reader if you wrote it on a new line.

Example: "I am the Empress" Javier sighed.

Edit:

"I am the Empress."

Javier sighed. 

Putting "Javier sighed" on the same line makes it look like Javier is saying the words whilst sighing, where in fact Carmen is speaking and Javier is just sighing in response. 

I came across instances where you swapped tenses within your writing. Your story is generally written in past tense and you have verbs written in present tense scattered throughout.

One example: "Martha rolled her eyes as she scoffs."

Edit: "Martha rolled her eyes as she scoffed."

I commented about this error in an in-line comment: The use of the word "fastened" is written in the wrong context. "Fastened" is the past participle for "fasten" which means to secure into place (i.e he fastened his shoelace). To describe getting faster in pace a word you can use is "quickened".

There were other instances where you used an incorrect word in the context of your story:

You wrote "unto" where you really meant "onto"

"Unto" is the archaic term for "to" or "until"

"Onto" is a variant form of "on to"

And lastly when writing "its" as a possessive pronoun you don't need an apostrophe. "It's" only has an apostrophe when it is used as a variant of "it is". This is a rule that confused me before now. English is full of exceptions to the general rules!

Sorry if this section is a bit heavy handed. That all being said, I still managed to follow your story and I truly enjoyed your work!

Characterisation: 4/5

Carmen is energetic and a joy to read. I like how you haven't given away everything about her straight away, but had given clues showing the reader that she is a girl that doesn't quite fit in the world that she is a part of. After reading the first chapter I couldn't wait to find out more about her.

I can see Vincent will be a great asset for the story. Every strong female lead needs a sidekick character! Vincent comes across as a sweet guy who truly cares about Carmen's welfare.

The Emperor, Ezekiel came across as a powerful, yet likeable man. However, clueless.

Martha is a nasty piece of work! I can't stand her. If I could, I would slap her stupid face! (Well done with writing such a great antagonist! You showed great skill there).

I love Javier!! He is a mysterious individual. He is unpredictable and can be dangerous. He also shows moments of loyalty to Carmen and is a great help. Seeing him stand up for her against Martha was great! I also love how confident Carmen is around him.

Switching POV has been really effective for getting across characters' personalities more deeply. Seeing Martha's perspective made it clear that she is just an awful human being and it's not just Carmen's bias opinion of her. I did not like Martha at all! I hope she gets her comeuppance!! I also hope that in future chapters you'll show Javier's perspective; he's a true mystery within the story. I think his point of view would be fascinating to read!

The chemistry between Carmen and Javier is beautifully written. It is authentically paced and you managed to make me root for both characters equally. I want nothing more than for them to have an affair!

Plot: 4/5 

I am always on board with a romantic, political drama story in a palace setting! There's always potential for juicy drama and intriguing plot twists. Your story does not disappoint at all. The way you draw together the various characters within your story made for a fascinating dynamic.

The book starts off strong. A character driven plot that is shown rather than told with wonderful dialogue between interesting characters with conflicting interests and personalities.

Your story is nicely paced, I felt as if you were pulling me gently into your imaginary world. I do think, however, that your story would benefit from more world-building descriptions – are they in a hot or cold country? What's the laws of the land? Are they on the brink if a war? Building on this information more would help the reader get lost in your story more.

I love how you portrayed the domestic dramas between Carmen and the Emperor's concubine. They were effectively handled. I found myself getting emotionally involved in places! You truly brought great moments within your writing that made me keep on scrolling! With a great use of cliff-hangers.

OVERALL: 19.5/25

I story that drew me in straight away with interesting characters and fabulous dialogue. You have a few grammar issues that need ironing out, a careful proofread and edit would benefit your book indeed.

You have incredible ideas and you paced your plot incredibly well. You brought wonderful descriptions of characters. If you brought that descriptive aspect to build up the setting your story would be completely immersive that I could see myself getting completely lost in.

This book has incredible potential. Keep on writing and building up your world!

Thank you for asking me to review your work. I hope you found my feedback helpful.