Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Jacob: Dreamcatcher

Title: Dreamcatcher

Author: NiyatiChaurasia

Reviewer: Prince_Pretence

Cover: 3/5

Since this is a short story anthology, I don't know how the cover relates to the only story posted. It's beautiful and so misleading—I can't even. Dreamcatcher is meant to 'protect', and the whole leaves and flowers illustration adds more to the ambient vibe of the title. I just don't know how it relates to the story at all. A book's cover should've some sort of relevance to the story, which this cover does not have. But it's a good one, nonetheless.

Blurb: 2/5

A simple detail about the content of the story is enough. Table Of Contents is literally mentioned below the blurbs on Wattpad's site, so that's unnecessary. The explicit warning has been mentioned, and rather uniformly, in the first chapter, so that's not required either. But overall, again, I don't know what purpose this blurb serves to the book, apart from letting us know that this is a collection of the short story. What kind of short story? Is there a theme? Even in randomness, there is a theme, an idea followed, and all of that is missing from here.

Grammar: 3/5

Tenses swap like hell. At one point, things are in motion for quite some time now. The next moment, they are happening at this very second. What I'm trying to say is that 'has, have had, will, would'—all these things have been misused. The story doesn't follow a set narrative, either. That wouldn't be a problem; I had the omniscient point of view [I think you've tried writing from an omniscient point of view; can't say for sure] been utilised appropriately. It swipes between all the three characters at a random point, only to let us know what they are feeling. Sure, we'd like to know what they are feeling—but this is a shortcut. To swap the point of view to whoever we are supposed to relate to at this moment. That's pretty distracting. I'd suggest looking up different types of narration styles and points of view and decide which one is the best for you.

Run the document into freeware for grammatical editing. That can help you with the smaller inconsistencies.

Writing Style: 3/5

I mentioned part of it in the Grammar section. The other thing is that throughout the story, we're being told things as they are happening. We want to see them with our eyes. It's as simple as that. It takes away all the emotions from the story, which would have made a good horror short story, if not for the absolute lack of sympathy for the entire story. The main problem here is with 'telling and not showing'. I'd suggest you read articles on how to show and not tell in short stories, and that ought to straighten this issue out. If that part is fixed, many other smaller inconsistencies will be automatically okay. As for the writing style itself—it is rather basic but works fine for a short story.

Character Building: 3/5

The characters didn't 'build' as much as they 'changed'. Make no mistake—there's a grave difference. When a character builds, they change from their current state due to whatever happens to them. Their building is a response to their surroundings and how the people and situations around them treat them. Here, Justin and Ken had always been like that. It's implied in the end. So it's not much of a build. Is this a good thing? Depends. If you were just telling a short tale—then this is it. It's a good horror one. But if you were trying to get the readers to relate or sympathise or in a word, 'remember', this story, then no—this might not be a good attempt. Either way, apart from Eva, whom I fail to understand, like at all, they are good characters. Don't get me wrong—I don't hate Eva primarily, and although I don't understand why didn't she fight more, there is that touch of 'reality' in it. I never understood why people don't fight to the death, rather than just dying even in reality, so I guess that's square.

Plot + Originality: 3.5/5

I liked it actually. When I realised how this late–night lift's about to turn out, I thought, "ugh, great. Another attempt at reinforcing our fears." And that was, maybe because of the writing style. But the end was surprising. This is kind of Tell–Tale Heart by Ellan Adger Poe, except that in that story, we knew that the characters had a motivation to behave the way they did. Here—all I could conclude is that Justin and Ken are weird psychopaths. It's obvious. And it's not a bad character personality—but as a reader, I don't see any reason why I should care. Two things contradict each other and refrain me from feeling anything, for even the victim here [including a surprise at the very end]: Ken and Justin are known to be famous bad boys. And Eva is literally their classmate. She knows them better than any stranger. And she knows she is half drunk herself. In these times [considering that the story is taking place in the 21st Century], it's the most obvious thing for a girl to know: never, ever take a ride from people you barely know. And here's where the ending doesn't make me feel anything particular. I knew what was coming for her. Granted, the fact that the pattern that Justin and Ken are following is a weird way to gift your "bro", but so what? All the serial killers have some sort of pattern and have killed a lot of people. So, yeah, this was different, but different doesn't equal new, so that's that.

OVERALL SCORE: 17.5/30

If you were looking to tell a story of how a late–night lift might turn out, then good job. It has its share of creepy moments, and the ending, again, has a pattern similar to all the crazy people out there. I can only suggest taking a second look at writing style to convey your emotions more smoothly.

If you have any questions or doubts, just comment below, and I'll try my best to help you out.