Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Joanna: Queen of LA

Title: Queen of LA

Author: Strangegurl3000

Reviewer: joanna388

Cover + Blurb: 6/10

First of all, I'd like to say I love your cover! It really has a vibe of its own, and the title is all big and pretty in the middle. Perfect.

The blurb has real potential. It's on point, and it gives us a rough idea about what we're about to read, but I think there's something missing. You need to add something that catches our attention, that intrigues us. If you make us wonder over a sentence, or even a word you might add, you got us.

Editing it grammar-wise will also help with the overall image, but I don't want to dwell on that for longer than I have to so I'll ask the more important questions:

What else is going on in the book?

Does the character find herself in too many kill-or-be-killed situations?

Why do people call her a monster?

If she's done some really terrible things, tell us when you introduce her. We know her overall role in the book, but we don't see anything about who she is, her character, her wants.

That goes for Noah as well. All we know is that he's unafraid and comical throughout, nothing else. What about that strawberry guy? Why is that the only thing we read about him?

Characters and the way they're introduced to us play a very big role when deciding to read a book. We like to know a few more things about them, to sympathize, to put ourselves in their shoes. So please add a little something about them, it makes a big difference.

Intro: 5/5

The story begins with an action. There's no waking up in bed, nor are there any long paragraphs about what she looks like, what she's wearing etc etc.

It honestly felt like an intro to a movie to me. I could almost hear the curator's voice in my head, reciting it gravely, with a certain dread that makes your brain jump to conclusions. And that foreshadowing part makes it even better.

Simply put, it's a really good way to start!

Plot + Originality: 5/10

In terms of originality, mafia books aren't that scarce on Wattpad, but I like how it's not the kind of book that keeps milking on that plot alone. It's not about a mafia boss who falls in love with a quirky girl, enthralled by the fact that 'she's not like other girls'. For starters, the mafia boss here is a girl, and a pretty badass one at that!

But, there are a few questionable parts as well.

To start with, when Noah first enters the coffee shop, he finds himself being held at gunpoint. Of course, the logical thing in a situation like that is to raise your hands to show you're not a threat, which is what he did. But right after that, when they capture him and take him back, he doesn't utter a single word. I might have thought that was because he was too scared to, but when Hades looks at him, she says he's defiant, so there goes that.

While I could understand the silence, mainly because he'd been working for less than ideal people in the past, there's pretty much nothing mentioned about him while they're on the road.

Think about it, put yourself in his shoes, how would you act? Even when trying to act tough and unafraid wouldn't you fidget? Maybe tap your finger anxiously? Look around for any possible escape?