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Review by Gnome: Demon Highschool

Title: Demon Highschool

Author: Sky653

Reviewer: GnomeMercy

Summary: 2.5/5

Just before I dive in and asses your summary, I just want to say that 'highschool' is actually grammatically incorrect. 'High school' is actually two words (I researched it to double-check) so I recommend you fix that in the title.

In terms of the summary itself, I really liked the first line:

Wings of silver, claws of gold; a mouth full of fire, a sight to behold,

However, I think it should end with a period and not a comma as there's nothing after it. So, it should be:

Wings of silver, claws of gold; a mouth full of fire, a sight to behold.

While your summary has everything there—characters, setting, stakes, dilemma—it is a bit muddling so let's go through it paragraph by paragraph.

This story follows Sky Suzuki, daughter of the Demon King. Her strong demonic lineage is shown by her heterochromatic eye. Her golden eye portrays her royal status. However, she was degraded by humans since she was seen as evil. So, her mortal mother instructed her from a young age to wear an eyepatch over it.

Firstly, there are few redundancies (repetitions of the word 'eye', for example) and tense changes. Most of the summary is in present tense, so stick to that for the entire summary! Also, is her eye colour really that important to the story? If it affects plot, then I suppose you can mention it, but eye colour isn't really an important detail for your story. You can just describe it in the prose. Also, this line 'However, she was degraded by humans since she was seen as evil' doesn't make much sense, and reads a bit awkwardly. Try rephrasing it to something along the lines of (I've also corrected the tenses):

This story follows Sky Suzuki, daughter of the Demon King. Her strong demonic lineage is shown by her heterochromatic eye, which is coloured gold. This portrays her royal status; however, she is treated badly for it since she is seen as evil. So, her mortal mother instructs her from a young age to wear an eyepatch over it.

Or something similar.

The second paragraph: 

As she reaches her teenage years she enrols into the famous Demon High. Follow her and her familiar, a Phoenix called Astoria throughout her high school years and the dark secrets and adventures as they unfold...

In the first line, there should be a comma after 'years', as when reading it aloud, you'd typically have a small pause there:

As she reaches her teenage years, she enrols into the famous Demon High.

The second sentence has a similar problem (there should be a comma after 'Astoria') and the ending is a bit hard to understand. I suggest rewriting it to something along the lines of:

Follow her and her familiar, a Phoenix called Astoria, throughout her high school years; watch as dark secrets unfold and accompany them on the crazy adventures they embark on...

That's a pretty rough example, but it gets the point across a bit more clearly.

Lastly: 

The Cheyyko clan is the clan out to finish the smile that was worn on the face of the princess of the underworld, but would that very same smile turn into a sadistic grin, and erupt with a fire stronger than the pain and the envy?