Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Shravani: Returning the Favour

Title: Returning the Favour

Author: DaliahStark

Reviewer: shhravanii

Hey! Note from Sunshine: Katerina was not able to do this review, but the absolute angel, Shravani, happily stepped in to do it. Thank you so much, Shravani! 

Summary: 2/5

The main purpose of a summary is to give the reader's a glimpse of what they are getting themselves into. A summary is supposed to attract readers while giving them limited information.

The summary you wrote was quite interesting. The argument between the two characters was heated, creating a strong hook for the readers. However, it came into my notice that you haven't mentioned the names of the characters or anything about them, for that matter.

Now, I can understand that the reason for doing this is to raise interest but I do think that adding dialogue tags and mentioning who wants revenge would add 10x readers to your book.

The other thing that bothered me was that the summary is smaller than the number of rankings that you've shown. While showing the achievements of the book is a pro, I think you should reduce the number of ranks in the summary. Keep the top 3 or 5 ranks and create a separate chapter for the other achievements.

Cover: 3/5

The cover is too simple for an amazing plotline that your book has. The protagonist of your book, Riley, is described to be a strong woman (more like a badass, haha). Maybe exploring that would be of great help. The font used is readable and quite catchy, so cheers to that. The use of colours, too, is exceptional. However, if you're planning to keep the same cover, I recommend to change the positioning of "revenge is sweet" by placing it in alignment with the title. I also recommend increasing its size to give a better impact on the readers.

Grammar: 2/5

Grammar is one of the most important aspects of a book. A book is nothing without proper grammar. While I found just a few spelling errors, your book doesn't have proper punctuation nor do you separate the paragraphs.

Since it is your first book, I'd like to assist you with a few common punctuation rules, so that it will make it easier for you when you edit your book. Remember, do not omit this part if you're truly serious about this book.

1. Capitalize the first letter of the word at the beginning to every sentence and those of proper pronouns.

Wrong: riley was very happy because she was going to a party with her best friend. her best friend, darci, on the other hand, was upset.

Correct: Riley was very happy because she was going to a party with her best friend. Her best friend, Darci, on the other hand, was upset.

2. Begin and end the dialogue with double inverted commas. And don't forget to leave a little space when you write them.

Wrong: "im happy for you"she said and smiled."how are you"

Correct: "I'm happy for you," she said and smiled. "How are you?"

3. Begin a new paragraph every time you start a dialogue with a new person. While this rule is completely optional, it helps readers to read.

Wrong: "I'm happy for you," Riley said. "Thank you, Ri." Darci smiled.

Correct: "I'm happy for you," Riley said.

"Thank you, Ri." Darci smiled.

These are the main ones that I could think of. Your book becomes 10 times more readable of you punctuate it. Sometimes, writers don't know how or when to break a paragraph, I recommend reading some helpful tips on that to enhance your writing.

Writing Style: 2/5

As said previously, your plotline is intriguing but the writing style is way to blunt. Your chapters are of not more than 700 words which was not the problem. The real problem was the continuous change of point of views. Books can have multiple point of views but sometimes they could be confusing and useless. You must keep the point of view change only between the two protagonists since it doesn't perplex the readers. The other way to improve your book is to write more. You must be familiar with the infamous "show, don't tell" formula which I think is something you must work on. You don't describe much of the character's emotions and just "tell" the readers what they need to know.

When Riley stabbed Darci, no realistic emotion was displayed. Describing more into the character's death and how it was done would engage your readers even more.

The other thing that I noticed was that the time changes are quick. Your one chapter has two time gaps which would not be a problem if the paragraphs were longer. Adding more details to what's going on and writing more about what the character does helps the readers to continue reading.

Character Building: 2/5

I can't say much about character building since the characters just talked through dialogues. No particular aspect of their personal lives or feelings were described, making it hard for me to draw a line of conclusion as to what type of person the particular character is.

For instance, when I read the part where Riley killed Darci, no emotion of mine was evoked. Why? Because Darci wasn't described. Before I could even like or dive deep into the character, she was killed.

I recommend reading a few books on how to improve writing and building character to make your book much more fun.

Plot + Originality: 4/5

The plotline is intriguing. Despite the lack of vocabulary and descriptions, the overall plot seemed fun to read. The revenge and Eli lying about his death only to leave a note about the truth, later on, bumped me, making me want to read it even more. Cheers to a great plot.

OVERALL SCORE: 15/30

I think that thorough rewriting would make your book a better novel to read. Returning the favour has tremendous potential and can be a lot more entertaining to read than it already is.

I hope the review helped you and are not disheartened by the criticism. Keep writing!