Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Faye: The App

Title: The App

Author: Gryffindir_Demigod_

Reviewer: Fayesther

Title + Cover: 4/5

The title is simple but effective. There is no need to overcomplicate things – your story is about an App and you titled your book accordingly. I have no qualms there. Nice work.

I really like the cover. I like that you didn't use a photo of a phone, the computer image works nicely. The dark colour scheme is very good and the font is a good choice. I especially like how you overlapped a cursive font over the title that's a nice touch. I do think that the subtitle is a bit too dark, it gets lost in the background and is hard to read.

Description: 5/5

A short and snappy description, very effective. You give enough information about your story to spark an interest and you ask the right questions at the end to hook your reader. Good job!

Grammar: 5/5

Your grammar was good. I pin-pointed the very few errors that I stumbled upon whilst reading. There were so little, it's barely worth mentioning them. I'm giving you full marks for this section, as I know the mistakes I found were just oversights whilst typing.

Writing Style: 2/5

Your story is incredibly fast paced. It came across at times as though you are rattling through to get to the main plot points – which were very interesting, I'll write more about that in the "plot" section.

It would've been nice if you slowed things down a bit. You could include descriptions of your main character and of her surroundings. This can help build a picture in the reader's mind and help them get lost in your story.

I really liked the voice in which you tell your story. Mallory sounds young and energetic. You included humour and managed to set up a sense of mystery. With a well thought out use of cliff-hangers that truly entice your reader to keep scrolling.

Characterisation: 2/5

You have some good ideas within your characterisation, for instance, how you portrayed Mallory's dependence on technology and how she is very much addicted to her phone was well done. Also you showed a variety of interesting moments of Mallory reacting to others around her, which gave the reader a little bit if insight into her character.

However, I think your story would benefit from you exploring deeper within Mallory's thought processes as she decides to do the things that she does. For example, when Mallory is set her first task she goes from willing to sacrifice herself to save somebody to completely switching and killing the person with no remorse at all. It would be interesting to know how her mind transitioned from these very different perspectives.

You are really good at describing the awkwardness within mundane interactions between characters. You also establish various differences between the main character and her side characters. I always knew who I was reading about and no individual overlapped another at any point in the story.

Plot: 4/5

I like the concept of your story very much. The everyday problem that you explored is very interesting indeed. People are so quick to open notifications on their phone, despite whether they know what it is or not. I'm certainly bad for doing this.

I love the sinister set up of the story. I got black mirror vibes from it. When reading I tried to think about what I would've done in that situation. It's certainly a hard call!

The victims of the app were interesting choices. The fact that they were people that she had already encountered was really chilling and so intriguing. The mystery you set up within your story is an exciting one. I really do wonder who is behind the app! Who is making people do these things? Is this a new form of serial killer? Using blackmail as their weapon. This story really sparked my interest.

OVERALL SCORE: 22/30

This is a story that has great potential. You brought chilling ideas full of mystery. I do think this story is lacking in description and character development, which makes your story really fast paced. Your grammar is great though out and with a little bit of work here and there I am sure you will have a fantastic crime mystery novella on your hands.

Thank you for asking me to review your work. I hope you found my feedback helpful.