Title: Secrets Come With Lies
Author: Kara_Zor_El_7
Reviewer: ray_of_sunshine9
It's just occurred to me that I've reviewed a book for you before (Pillow Talk, I believe?). Thank you so much for coming back for a second review, and asking one from me specifically! It means the world to me and more when clients come back with new stories, new characters, and new skills. Keep up the amazing work!
Summary: 3.5/5
Your summary has great things going on. You introduce the protagonist, the backstory, the conflict, and there's a brilliant hook at the end that links the title to the overall story arc. Overall, your summary is very cohesive and engaging, so well done!
There are just a few things. First of all, and I don't like to say this, but your summary is very, very long. I don't like to comment on this sort of thing, but the mindset I have is that this would definitely not fit on the back of a book, and it feels a bit like a ramble at time. Keep it succinct, to the point, and introduce major plot points without spoiling.
Sure, tell us about how her life was falling about, then Dylan comes in and everything is pretty great. Then launch into Dylan's appearance, and hint at how Nic and her will have their lives intertwine. When you mention Dylan the first time, do we need to know exactly about their social circles? Do we need to know that he's safe and protective?
Also, watch out for commas. For example:
Leah Montgomery, a nineteen-year-old college graduate leads a quiet existence...
It should be:
Leah Montgomery, a nineteen-year-old college graduate, leads a quiet existence...
Grammar: 3.5/5
Your story is very clean when it comes to grammar and punctuation – well done! There were a few things I caught, but nothing incredibly major. Let's go through them, shall we?
First of all, proper nouns. Whenever you are using a proper noun, it should be capitalised. This includes instances like 'mum' or 'dad' or 'aunt' – because that's the name you are calling them. Basically, if you say 'my mum loves shopping', you don't need to capitalise it, but if you're saying 'Mum loves shopping', it should be capitalised. For example:
Just talking about mum was so painful.
You have two options. One:
Just talking about Mum was so painful.
Option two:
Just talking about my mum was so painful.
Another example:
"Going on a date, huh?" aunt Jean teased.
'Aunt Jean' is what she is referred to as a name. It should be:
"Going on a date, huh?" Aunt Jean teased.
Next, dialogue. You have dialogue and punctuation done perfectly, and that's a rule I see broken all the time, so fantastic work! However, there were a few instances where I saw this:
"I actually didn't want to get out for breakfast today, " he admitted.
The gap between the punctuation and the inverted commas is unnecessary. It should be:
YOU ARE READING
Sapphire's Review Store 3.0
Non-FictionSince both our first and second review stores have exceeded 200 chapters (with a grand total of 379 reviews published), I am opening up this third book to fit in all of our future reviews. Yay team! We are still OPEN to requests, however, this book...
