Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Sunshine: Sister Zone

Title: Sister Zone

Author: ChristinaAnnRiley

Reviewer: ray_of_sunshine9

Summary: 5/5

I loved this summary to bits. It is perfectly attuned to your story, as well as the genre you are writing for – there's bits of humour, I love the way you emphasised how awful the mug was by putting it on a line of its own, and the constant linking back to the title is fantastic. You've also got all pivotal elements to a summary – an introduction to the protagonist, the conflict, and how they plan on solving it.

Overall, this is a fantastic and polished summary and I am very excited to read it!

Grammar: 4/5

Overall, your grammar and punctuation were very polished. You clearly know all the fundamentals, and there were so few errors that I barely had to take any notes. However, there were a few errors I found, and most had to do with plural vs singular tenses. Here are some examples I found:

As the people in the café stares at us like we're a bunch of lunatics...

Since 'people' is plural, it should be:

As the people in the café stare at us like we're a bunch of lunatic...

Another one:

After that ridiculous who-to-fuck list that Jack made, rating every single girl in our school on a scale of one-to-ten and inadvertently making half of the school cries, I did beat the shit out of him.

The 'cries' is the word that is a little out of place. I would suggest:

After that ridiculous who-to-fuck list that Jack made, rating every single girl in our school on a scale of one-to-ten and inadvertently making half of the school cry, I did beat the shit out of him.

And not far after that:

He'd successfully made a lot of my friends wanted to get plastic surgeries.

Consider:

He's successfully made a lot of my friends want to get plastic surgery.

And finally:

My mouth fall open and I can only blink at her remarks.

It should be:

My mouth falls open and I can only blink at her remarks.

There were a few more of those scattered throughout your novel, however, there were very few of them. Well done on polishing your story so well, and with a quick polish, I think it'll be perfect.

Characterisation: 5/5

I love how your characters instantly juxtapose each other from the beginning, with Nessa loving Christmas while Ollie says he hates it (to be fair, he broke up with his girlfriend just beforehand so...), and with the subtle hints through him having the dog and the her having the cat.

But as for the characters themselves? They are so ridiculously loveable.

Vanessa is so funny, so quirky – with small things, like her random obsession for the real Mr Dumpy mascot. She makes a very fun, bubbly narrator for the reader to follow, and she feels very real with every emotion that oozes out of her words. Additionally, she's got a vicious side that is always fun to follow – she literally bit the ear of that 'blue-bimbo.' I love it.

As for Ollie, the nice idiot? He's so goofy an cute. Even the small thoughts he has, about how it doesn't matter how long a girl's hair is, or even naming his car Lightning, or his absolute inability to lie (I laughed at the whole "I'm making rat traps" moment) – they make him such a sweet character to follow, which is so important for the narrative because we really want these two characters to wind up together.

And I love, love, love how they have to develop for it. Especially Oliver, who has to stop overthinking the consequences and trust his heart with each jealous pang he feels. Even Nessa herself has to stop overthinking each moment, starting from a poorly labelled mug, and the progression of their understanding and development is so smooth and beautifully paced.

So, no qualms here. You have fantastic characters, beautiful development, and meaningful interactions. Well done!

Writing Style: 5/5

I won't linger here, because there is nothing much to say here other than your writing suits your story so, so well. It's peppered with purposeful descriptions that actually matter to the scenes, the two narrators are very distinct when they take turns telling the story, and each emotion and thought is clear and fluent throughout the chapters.

Better yet, it's engaging every step of the way. You have varying sentence structures, humorous moments throughout the narration itself without taking away from impactful moments within the story, and the story, even if it's a sweet love story, it's gripping, compelling and addictive.

You're very talented, so really well done in this department! 

Plot + Originality: 5/5

I won't lie, starting with that kiss under the mistletoe was not the most unique introduction to a story, but the way it was written was so gripping and quirky that it felt different, nonetheless. Additionally, I like that subtle moments from that scene carried over to give the story rational – after all, the fact that he used tongue is what convinced Sophia that he definitely doesn't see Nessa as a sister.

I'm not sure if it was intentional, but it almost seemed to tackle other issues – like it's hinted that Nessa is slightly self-conscious for being half-Asian, thought it did start to feel like a running gag towards the end. Additionally, with her friends saying she needed a makeover while she insisted that she should change for a guy – I thought it was especially sweet that he didn't fall for her because of a makeover necessarily, but still just for who she was and what she means to him.

And even the small things – like yes, there's a 0.2% chance that she will be out of the sister-zone, but if there's a chance, they should go for it. I loved that moment.

You have this amazing pattern where, when things are looking steady and are about to go well, you throw a spanner into the mix – like when they're kissing in that bathroom, about to head to his place and have the time of their lives, we see Celia bring back the demons of two years ago. It's a great way to keep the readers on the edge and itching to know what happens next, and it adds that element of conflict to the story to prevent it from becoming too predictable, so great job!

In fact, most of the conflict seemed to be about communication issues, with Nessa getting angry and jumping to conclusions and Ollie not being transparent about the way he wants to protect her from the mess that was two years ago. I currently want to jump into the pages and scream at him for the whole 'sex buddy' dilemma, because like, no, it's been five years and two months, come on dude. You know we want you to be more intimate than that. Goofball.

And anyways, it was great seeing TJ come and start to talk some sense to him, and with the paparazzi being rather worrying and the impending chaos to come, I cannot wait to see how you tie this sweet little romance together. 

OVERALL SCORE: 24/25

Overall, if it wasn't clear from the beginning, I adored this book. You have beautiful characterisation, quirky narration that is engaging and fun, and this was a perfect weekend read for me. I suggest giving it a quick polish, and you'll be good to go. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to review this!