Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Kanika: Hard to Love

Title: Hard to Love

Author: Tricky_minds

Reviewer: 420_feelings

Title + Cover: 4/5

'Hard to Love' is a clearly clever and intriguing title for your story. It fits with your story perfectly because of the push and pull between the main protagonists of your story. Amazing work!

The cover is beautiful and tells the readers exactly what the story is about. However, there are a few suggestions that I would like to make.

The first thing is that you should place the author's name either on the top or at the bottom of the cover because it diverts the attention from the title. But, if you're placing it above the title, do reduce its size slightly.

Then, you can also add a subtitle to it. Since the cover was coming out a bit empty.

Blurb: 4/5

I liked your blurb, but still needed some work. I loved the excerpt, which not only gave us a glimpse about the characters personalities but also told readers about what to expect in the story.

Firstly, there were instances in it where you switched from past to present.

For instance, She wouldn't (Past) have ever guessed how much of an asshole he can (Present) be before signing the contract.

Correction: She wouldn't have ever guessed how much of an asshole he could be before signing the contract.

Then, I felt that you need to switch the last two paragraphs of the blurb. Because, if you're asking if Amelia will sign the contract again first and then telling about how his past and present collide, it gives away the answer to that question. So, to make it a bit mysterious for readers, swap these last two paragraphs.

Other than this, no complaints with it. Great work!

Grammar, Vocabulary + Punctuation: 2/5

Some elements need work regarding punctuation of dialogues.

First, whenever dialogue is followed by a dialogue tag (he said, she mumbled, etc.), we use a comma before inverted commas close except for in the case of a question mark or exclamation make. And, instead of a period and the first letter of a dialogue tag is not capitalized.

For instance: "Al, Al. You're going to be late." She said groggily.

Correction: "Al, Al. You're going to be late," she said groggily.

OR

For instance, "Do I know you?" She asked politely.

Correction: "Do I know you?" she asked politely.

Secondly, when a dialogue is followed by an action, we use a period instead of a comma.

For instance, "Hi guys," Amelia smiled with a polite nod.

Correction: "Hi guys." Amelia smiled with a polite nod.

There were also a few instances, where you shifted the tense from past to present which made your writing come out a bit unpolished.

For instance, Amelia froze as she realized (PAST TENSE) she'd be alone with Ethan, and fear clenching (PRESENT TENSE) her stomach in a tight knot.

Correction: Amelia froze as she realized she'd be alone with Ethan, and fear clenched her stomach in a tight knot.

There were also a few spelling mistakes.

For instance, A flicker of absolute shook and then a smirk.

Correction: A flicker of absolute shock and then a smirk.

Description: 3.5/5

Your descriptions were there but they were also lacking. I liked how you described the surroundings thoroughly, but at the same time, they were quite lacking. You never mentioned the physical description of the characters. So, working on executing your imaginary vividly is a must. This will not only help to make your writing more impressive, but will also slow down the pace of your story, which in my opinion was quite fast.

Secondly, you told instead of showing. For instance, you never described how Alex and Amelia fell in love in the first place. I think it is necessary to add that little tidbit to make the readers comprehend their relationship.

Then there were a few instances where you had redundant sentences in your story. Redundant sentences are those sentences which are unwanted either because they have been used before or simply because they interrupt the flow of the story. Here, for instance,

She smiled despite her fears as she gave him a reassuring smile.

Here, you are repeating Amelia smiling twice, which leads to not only break in the flow but also is a bit confusing to read because of its clumsiness. This may divert readers attention from the story so do try to work on them.

Edit: Despite her fears, she gave him a reassuring smile.

Another instance is when you described Ethan's house a second time when Amelia went there again in chapter 12.

Lastly, the mature scenes were nicely depicted but again they could be a lot improved. My recommendation will be for you to try to bring a balance between emotions and physical reactions. This will not only bring realism in your story but will also help you to make your story quite distinguishable from all the erotic romances out there. 

Character Development: 3/5

I liked Amelia. She had a witty personality, and I especially liked the moments where she used some dry humour to get the truth across. Ethan was nicely portrayed as the usual bad guy type, who is broody with an air of arrogance surrounding him. The chemistry between them was amazing. Great work!

But, I felt that your characters need more profoundness. For instance, Alex cared about Amelia a lot but then he left her without even hearing the whole truth just because of a guy. It threw me off guard, which is great since you need to keep the readers on edge. But, I think that his thoughts need to be explained in depth for readers to comprehend why he left so suddenly and didn't even think of giving her a chance. Was she not worth it? Maybe you can make Amelia tell him the whole truth about her past with Ethan, which will make his decision more empathetic because of his past. So, try to show the emotions of your characters in depth and flesh them out for the readers because they don't know your characters the way you know.

Then there was the problem of how fast Amelia's emotions changed, which made it quite difficult to understand her. For instance, one moment she is crying over Alex, and the next she is with Ethan, who had already broken her heart in the past. My recommendation will be for you to show few conflicting thoughts regarding her feelings towards Ethan or much better than this is that you can give us a glimpse about them together in the past, which will not only help to make her decision understandable but will also give us a glimpse in their relationship in the past.

OVERALL SCORE: 16.5/25

A story about intense hatred and lust. I enjoyed reading your story because of the plot and your ability to keep the readers on edge. With a little bit of polishing and editing, it would be a winner.

Thank you for asking me to review this great book. Hope you find it helpful!