Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Eliza: Loving You, Always

Title: Loving You, Always

Author: Selly1010

Reviewer: eliza-lou

Title/Cover/Summary: 3.5/5

Title:

I enjoy the title! It establishes the genre (romance) without giving away any details. The hint of "always" in the title also tells me there's probably going to be some trial or something that tests the relationship to make them love one another, always.

Cover: 

I think the cover is a little busy. Due to Wattpad being a social media platform I think clean covers that pop, even in the size of a thumbnail, are important! A great test for this is seeing if you can clearly read the title when just looking at your book on your profile. I think having your award stickers on the cover is awesome! If possible, I'd make them slightly smaller or be sure that they aren't covering any text on the cover. :)

Summary: 

I want to note that I totally acknowledged your author's note about English not being your first language! So none of my comments are referring to the actual grammar of the summary. :) 

I think this could be simpler! Again, Wattpad is a social media platform - short, simple, and to the point summaries are going to be your bestfriend! I find a lot of romance books give us two POV parts to a summary (your first paragraph is about Sara, your second is about James) - but I think it's important that your summary stays focused on your main character, which is Sara. Introduce her, her dreams, and then the conflict of the story. I think you could take bits of the second and third paragraphs and add them onto the first one! Here's my example below (you do not have to do this specifically, this was just the first idea that came to mind!):

- "Sara had been dreaming of becoming an actress since she was a child. She would do everything to achieve her dream. She even had to hurt her parents by breaking their trust." - This tells us who she is, and what she wants, and what she's done so far to accomplish her dream.

- "But, what would happen when a powerful, ambitious man wanted her?" - Here you could change this part to introduce James & the conflict of the story - "But, what would happen when she meets James Hardin; the heir of Hardin Corporation and an ambitious man who would do anything to have her?"

Hook + Plot Uniqueness: 6/10

"Hook" from Prologue: 

I think you definitely have a solid hook! You did a great job dropping the reader into an extremely stressful situation, while quickly explaining what was going on. I also enjoyed how "real" this felt - you didn't make it feel overdramatic (which can kill a serious/intense moment sometimes). Overall, this huge moment of Sara contemplating her life definitely hooked me in to wanting to find out how she got to this low point. Nice job. :)

Plot Uniqueness: 

This book definitely starts off in a unique way! The prologue shows us the places this book is going to, and the first chapter does a great job in starting us on that journey! With that, the idea of a "millionaire bad-boy" is a huge romance novel stereotype (especially on Wattpad), so I think how you'd keep this book unique is through your characters personalities & their development throughout the story.

Character Dialogue: 4/5

You did a good job of making Sara and Linda feel like two different people with their own personalities. Their friendship is obvious, even in just the first chapters, but they had their own individual moments that helped make them stand out on their own. For example, the dilemma of Sara not doing provocative shoots gives me the idea that she's more conservative but that it's forced upon her because of her worry that her father will disapprove. Linda is a very supportive assistant and friend by helping defend her when the photographer tried to rope her into doing a shoot with sexier clothing. You also showed that she's a bit more goofy, bubbly, and outgoing with how silly she was being at the restaurant when they ate lunch. Their friendship felt genuine and their dialogue helped create their individuality! 

Writing Style + Grammar: 

I am omitting using the point system for this section because English is not your first language. I commend you on having a solid foundation in this book. The English language is messy and not easy, so kudos to you! :) With that, I do think some overall cleaning up would be helpful. A lot of what I'm seeing with the overall grammatical structure are simple fixes, and I was able to interpret any translation discrepancies easily! :) For example, most of what I saw was - one or two words out of place in a sentence or misplaced adjectives/nouns. I listed a couple of examples below, if that's helpful. 

- "Linda, what is my next schedule?" Sara asked Linda, handing back the towel.

I interpreted this question as Sara asking Linda what her next item/appointment on her schedule was. So the question could instead be phrased: "Linda, what is my next appointment on my schedule?" -or- "Linda, what is the next appointment on the schedule?"

- "She thought it was very childish and considered as a body-shaming to her."

'Body shaming' is an action, so you don't need the 'a' in front of it. So instead, the sentence could be phrased: "She thought it was very childish and considered it to be the agency body-shaming her."

If you think having a second person read over your chapters would help with this, I would recommend an editor (check out our Ruby Editing Store!) or an editor who specifically helps writers translate their works into English! :) You have a great foundation, it just needs a bit of polishing with the sentence structure to help the writing flow better.

OVERALL SCORE: 13.5/20