Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Faye: The Wings of Night

Title: The Wings of Night

Author: Grisha2610

Reviewer: Fayesther

Poems focused on: 12, 13, 14 and part dividers.

I didn't include a marking system this time. I hope you don't mind. I just thought that it wouldn't really work with this review in particular.

I decided to write my feedback about the part dividers in a separate section to the poems:

"The Feathers of Stars" and "The Fables of Moon" are beautiful titles to the parts of your poetry collection. They work perfectly with the book's title and fit the poems they introduce just right.

The part dividers are informative, however I personally think that they take something away from your powerful poetry. I think within these dividers it would be better if you wrote a short introductory poem or a one liner, rather than explaining in this factual/textbook type way. The poems hold their own, I don't think you need extra explanations.

That being said I do like the two ending lines of the dividers:

"The Feathers of Stars" - "Let us see if the creatures here can bring out the hidden darkness in you..."

"The Fables of Moon" – "Let us see if you are a deep crater or quite bright and smooth in nature."

Both play on the imagery within their separate titles and introduce the poems following them in a simple and effective way.

Grammar: 

Your vocabulary is brilliant and the sentences are formed well grammatically. However, you could do with adding in punctuation to help guide your reader through the flow of your writing. Its easy to over look punctuation within poetry. I noticed that you tend to not close your sentences, adding in full-stops where they're needed will help iron your collection out.

Writing Style: 

12. You included wonderful imagery that truly showcases your beautiful imagination. It always amazes me how well you do this with such a small number of words! I especially love how you describe her "dark ruby eyes". You also managed to weave in a rhyming scheme, which works beautifully and gives this poem an easy to follow rhythm.

13. Beautiful contrasts expressed in exploring the differences between the two Mistresses. The descriptions of both of them are gorgeous! I liked how you structured this poem also, rather than describing everything about one then moving onto the other, you go back and forth like a tennis match. I found this so effective, making the poem move much swifter and spiking my interest with each detail you added. When reading this poem I had a constant shiny, twinkly magic picture in my mind.

14: Another poem with brilliant imagery. Great physical descriptions of the "creature in the clouds". Again how you describe characters' eyes are second to none! You managed to reflect the entire sky within her eyes, amazing! Your word choices were perfect in showing how unpredictable the weather can be. I could hear and feel the breeze as I read. My favourite line is: "She could exert her power with a simple stare" – this line truly deepens the character, making her almost intimidating.

Originality: 

12: A beautifully dark story! Written in a beautiful layout. You open up the red woman's story with an introduction to who she is at the present day, then as the poem progresses you explore deeper into what makes her the way she is! I loved how this story moved – as if in a full circle. You effectively showed the reader how fearful she is, but then explained fully her past, which successfully gets the reader on her side. Beautifully done, and wonderfully unique! I've told you in the comments that this is one of my favourite poems! That has not changed! Gorgeous work!

13: Personifying night and day as two women who don't see eye-to-eye is such a cool idea! A no brainer for this poetry collection! You tell such a simple story of opposites, but done with such ingenious beauty. I appreciated how the representatives of night and day both have good and bad qualities and that they were not written as a black and white villain vs hero combination. Night can be scary but is extremely intelligent, Day is inviting but is very conceited.

14: A story about a fascinating individual of someone who lives amongst the clouds and controls the weather with her moods. This poem effectively explores how unpredictable the weather can be and its certainly believable that if there were a spirit creature controlling it, that creature's mind would be wired strangely. I loved how you described the woman's hardships, she may be powerful but she is alone and at war with herself, a beautifully deep piece!

OVERALL: 

I can't pretend that I'm not impressed! I am a massive fan of your writing. Your poems are incredible! Full of beautiful, fantasy pictures, strangely relatable characters and powerful emotion! I will certainly keep coming back to this poetry collection! I love it!

Thank you again for asking me to review this fantastic book! I hope you found my feedback helpful.