Title: Of Jangling Chords and Symphonies
Author: dalancydaven
Reviewer: Fayesther
Disclaimer: Because you have asked me to focus on your poetry's flow and the topics covered in your writing- I changed the layout of my review accordingly.
Title + Cover: 5/5
The title is intriguing and eye catching.
The cover is beautiful and illustrates the poetry collection perfectly!
Description: 4.5/5
Short, simple and straight to the point. This description introduces this collection of poems wonderfully!
To tidy it up a bit I would separate the description and the cover art shout out.
Flow: 3/5
Most of your poems in this collection flow beautifully, with easy-to-follow rhythms and relatable concepts communicated effectively with beautiful word choices.
However, I found a few small issues here and there that I would like to point out.
Poem one's rhythm was harder to follow than the others. It came across as a bit inconsistent. I would suggest reading it aloud and shaping the text to match how you recite it – starting a new line after a pause.
The line in the second poem- "In the stars that shine forth only in their last dying breath," sounds a bit clumsy, I believe if you took out "forth" it would fit nicer.
In your seventh poem the line- "the caress with which makes our heart will soar" is a bit confusing to read.
A possible edit could be- "the caress which makes our hearts soar"
Also the line- "of being in love, of being loved." – could be split into two separate lines. This would slow the rhythm down a bit- making these words inspire more emotion.
Topic: 4/5
Your poems follow a powerful yet relatable train of thought. Showing effectively the dark journey the mind can go down through facing tragedy, inner pain, also love and its complexity.
Each poem brings its own individual concept and voice yet they all (mostly) fit inside a central theme. A theme that reflects the title of the book beautifully.
A majority of the poems fit a central theme of battles raging within a contemporary individual. However, I believe that poems nine and twelve do not follow that central theme. They were beautifully written in their own right; the classic style of storytelling makes me imagine sitting around a camp fire listening to somebody telling old folk tales. My only issue is that I'm not too sure if they fit amongst the other poems, as the majority of the poems follow a more modern narrative.
OVERALL SCORE: 16.5/20
A truly enjoyable collection of deep poems. The word choices stir up emotions in the reader. There are just a few communication issues regarding rhythm, but nothing major. Just a quick read through and edit would fix that in no time. I do suggest reading them aloud as this is a strategy that I swear by!
I loved poems 9 and 12! You have a real talent in writing within that classical folk lore narrative. I would love to see those poems in a separate poetry collection (perhaps make another book) with more poems written in the same way. This is just a fleeting idea, of course, feel free to ignore! But if you ever decide to take up this idea please give me a message, I'd certainly give that a read!
I hope this feedback is helpful for you and thank you for asking me to review such powerfully written poetry!
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Sapphire's Review Store 3.0
Non-FictionSince both our first and second review stores have exceeded 200 chapters (with a grand total of 379 reviews published), I am opening up this third book to fit in all of our future reviews. Yay team! We are still OPEN to requests, however, this book...
